This ain’t kosher

August 27, 1999

Recently a Mississippi school board barred a Jewish student from wearing a Star of David because, they said, it was a gang symbol. The decision was first made by a teacher, and then the school principal. The student’s father is filing a lawsuit against the school board on the grounds of religious discrimination. Now, personally, I’d like to know what gang uses the Star of David as its symbol. Hillel’s Angels, maybe? To make matters even worse, the school’s principle has publicly questioned the legitimacy of the lawsuit because he doesn’t believe the student’s father is very devout in his faith. This statement was based on the fact that the father’s wife is not Jewish, and also what little of the man’s house the principle had seen while burning crosses in front of it. As a final, interesting twist to the story, Pat Robertson, head of the Christian Coalition, has stated that he believes the school board’s decision represents ignorance and religious intolerance, which is his way of saying he approves of it.

Note: The above was written just under a week ago when the story first hit the news. Since then it’s attracted national attention. As a result the Mississippi school board reversed its decision. As part of an apology, a member of the school board said, "We didn’t think we were violating anybody’s rights." This is because it’s generally assumed in Mississippi that Jews don’t have rights. Among the groups that put pressure on the school board were the ACLU, the Jewish Anti-Defamation League, and the Mississippi State Department of Tourism, which was afraid that the sudden influx of intelligent, tolerant, and well-spoken carpetbaggers might damage the state’s image. Fortunately it’s all over now and Mississippi can once again resume its job of making Kansas look progressive.

Enjoy this week’s offerings.


"The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money." (Tax Auditor)

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax!" (Albert Einstein)

"When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income." (Plato)

"There are two distinct classes of men… those who pay taxes and those who receive and live upon taxes." (Thomas Paine)

"The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul." (George Bernard Shaw)

"There is no art which one government sooner learns from another than that of draining money from the pockets of the people." (Adam Smith)

"He who has the base necessities of life should pay nothing; taxation on him who has a surplus may, if need be; extend to everything beyond necessities." (Jean Jacques Rousseau)

"Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten" (Lord Bramwell)

"War involves in its progress such a train of unforeseen and unsupposed circumstances that no human wisdom can calculate the end. It has but one thing certain, and that is to increase taxes." (Thomas Paine)

"In the matter of taxation, every privilege is an injustice." (Voltaire)

"But in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes." (Benjamin Franklin)

"A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but who doesn’t have to take a civil service examination." (Ronald Reagan)

"Does self assessment mean that Australia will becomes a land of untold wealth?"

"There can be no doubt concerning the duty of each citizen to bear a part of the public expense. But the state on its part, insofar as it is charged with protecting and promoting the common good of its citizens, is under an obligation to assess upon them only necessary levies, which are, furthermore, proportionate to their means." (Pius XII)


THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE

If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices, and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.

But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A: Because no one wants to quit.

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

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