Hop On Board.

So have I mentioned that I ride the bus? Not every day, but regularly. If you’re not a bus rider yourself there are some important rules to remember. Fortunately most buses have helpful signs to make them clear.

The signs are self-explanatory, but I’ve provided notes.

eatingRule 1: Chew with your mouth closed, use a cup with a lid, and give that chemo patient his hat back.

smokingRule 2: Smoking on the bus makes Hedorah The Smog Monster very angry.

musicRule 3: It’s Nashville, Jake. If Clare Bowen wants to sit next to you and sing into a hair brush consider yourself lucky. At least it takes your mind off the cracked windows.

Remembering these rules will make your bus ride safer, more pleasant, and, most importantly, weird. Hey, my ride’s here!

myrideishere

5 Comments

  1. Gina

    My sister lives in the downtown area of our fair city and rides the busy daily. She has this helpful tip for riding the bus: pretend you are asleep. Don’t actually sleep because you don’t want all your belongings stolen. Just close your eyes and ignore the craziness going on around you. Even better is if you have the window seat since you can lean against the window. When I lived in Russia I hated riding the bus (the metro was OK) because they were always over-crowded. Sometimes men would take advantage of the situation and grind their man parts into your backside like, “Oh, it’s so crowded in here. My crotch was no where else to go”. After the first few times this happened a friend finally told me to be sure to angle my body away (not always easy to do when you’re crammed in like a sardine). But ugh, I still got violated a few times and was not pleasant.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I talk to quite a few interesting people on the bus, including bus drivers. One told me a hilarious story about a guy driving by the bus with an open sun roof. A kid on the bus had a milkshake and dropped it right in the sun roof. I know what you mean about the Russian Metro, though. I rode it in both Mosow and St. Petersburg. It was a nightmare, but at 15 kopeks a ride I could understand why it was popular.

      1. Gina W.

        I have to ask– when were you in Russia? Did you study over there? Is it possible that we were students in the same class and I already know you? Life is full of weird and strange coincidences. Honestly nothing surprises me. I ran into one of my college professors on a small side street in Moscow. He was walking and talking with a woman and didn’t notice me. My mind immediately flashed, “familiar person alert”! It took me a second to think, “former professor”. I ran back to him, grabbed him on the shoulder and yelled, “Dr. Adams!”. He jumped about three feet off the ground and probably nearly soiled himself. It was odd to say the least…

        1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

          It was just a week in mid-December 1991–long enough to learn Cyrillic, but not enough time to learn Russian. I was going to school in England and it was an organized trip. It was definitely weird. When I booked the trip I was going to the Soviet Union. When I boarded the plane I was going to Russia. It really was a wonderful trip. Moscow was fun, but St. Petersburg was cooler. There was a Chagall exhibit there–the first in something like fifty years. When were you there and how long did you stay?

          1. Gina W.

            I studied during the summers of 1991 to 1994. I also studied during the Fall semester in 1992. I was supposed to stay all year but I did not do well with the Russian winter. I would got to school at 9:00 am and it would still be dark and when I’d get out in the afternoon (maybe 3 or so) the sun would have set again. I couldn’t live with the constant snow and cold also. By December I called the graduate school where I was supposed to start the next year and asked, “Can I start in January instead?”. Thankfully they said yes.

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