I’m No Saint.

So I got this preview of my voice mail and I thought, come on, just give me the word, I can take it. I’ve been known to make sailors blush. It doesn’t matter if it’s a vulgarism, epithet, oath, or opprobrium. I’ve used ‘em all. And I’m not aware of any legal ruling that there are seven words you can’t say in voice mail.

cursesThen I listened to the message and realized what the program had mistaken for “curses” was my name.

This reminded me of a completely different situation when a man who didn’t speak English very well asked my wife what my name was. She told him. His eyes got very wide.

“Oh, yes,” he said, “that’s a very famous Western name. Christ is a very famous name.”

And then she explained that it’s just “Chris”. The “t” is dropped because it’s short for “Christopher”, which is the name of the patron saint of travelers, or it was until he turned out not to be a real person. I’m not sure what the current status of the saint formerly known as Christopher is, but since I was actually named after Christopher Robin it doesn’t bother me too much.

I’m certainly not going to curse about it.

8 Comments

  1. Gina W.

    Oh God, I love, love, LOVE the Outlook preview on voice mails. Especially the ones from my husband because he leaves the messages in Russian. When he calls the Outlook preview always looks like it was written by someone high on acid and/or having a stroke. Or both. I tried to look through my old emails to find some gems but our emails automatically delete after six months unless you archive them. So I don’t have anything super funny to share but these are kind of amusing:

    “Hi Gina this is call we racket from your cat so please.”

    “holler out.I am trying to set up just a short while conference call with Cajun clef”.

    “Hey Gina this is Kenneth Savage I am with an event called the grammar it’s challenge”

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Now you’ve inspired me to call my own work phone and speak French or Norwegian or Russian or Latin or just gibberish, because I only know a few words in any of those languages, and see how the previews come up. It never occurred to me that 99% of my work communication being done through email had a downside. Now I want a conference call with Cajun clef.

      Reply
  2. Chuck Baudelaire

    Squeeeee! I found your blog! This honestly is the best thing that’s happened to me today. *happy dance* *twirl* *spills drink*

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Welcome! And careful with that drink. We don’t allow alcohol abuse around here. But as a gracious host I will provide refills.

      Reply
  3. Spoken Like A True Nut

    My first thought upon reading your new name (hi, Curses, nice to meet you!) was that you should do a performance art piece where you wrap yourself up in aluminum foil, then tear it all off with a cry of frustration and start over, and the title of the piece would be “Curses, Foiled Again.”

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Of course I’d give you credit, although I did have something close to it when I came back to work last November. My supervisor and a couple of other people had covered my entire office in aluminum foil. Why foil? There is no logic to these things–I would have chosen toilet paper myself, but it was still a hilarious prank and the perfect welcome back. You can click here to see a picture of my foiled office. And here’s one of me holding the all the foil after I’d wadded it up into a giant ball. I still have it. It weighs almost three pounds!

      Reply
  4. kdcol

    One of the Royal Caribbean dining crew’s name is “Christ.” She said it’s pronounced Chris (short i sound) + the ‘t’ sound at the end. She was great. She found me some gluten free bagels in the morning and was able to give me pointers on what I should avoid. Christ told Gerald and me this story that on one cruise she was paired with a Jesus in the dining room. So there were all kinds of cracks about sitting in Jesus Christ’s section on that cruise. On our cruise, Christ was partnered up with Janice. Janice Christ just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That’s hilarious. I didn’t realize there was anyone who spelled it “Christ” and pronounced it with a short i sound, although I’ve known a couple of guys named Jesus.

      Reply

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