The Egg And I.

Sometimes my walk home from the bus takes me by a large stand of bamboo. I’ve heard that people often regret planting bamboo because of how quickly it takes over. In this particular yard it hadn’t just taken over. It had formed a massive wall that completely blocked the yard, the house, and formed a dark tunnel around the driveway. Sometimes in the early mornings if I walk by there when it’s still dark I can hear the bamboo rustle with birds waking up.

In a grassy patch in front of the bamboo I found an egg. Why there was an egg there is still a mystery. It was too big to be a wild bird egg, with the possible exception of an eagle and then it was too small. It was white and the size of a regular chicken’s egg you’d buy in the store, but it was also flecked with little pieces of what could have been dried grass. It was also strangely heavy for its size, and didn’t feel quite like a regular egg. I picked it up and turned it all around, not sure what to make of it or what to do with it. Finally I tossed it onto the road, thinking it would bounce or just roll.

It broke. Yellowish yolk and clear fluid leaked out onto the road.

001

Here’s photographic evidence even though it should be unnecessary. How could I make up something this weird?

Just then a car came out of the driveway. Oh great, I thought, now I’m going to have to explain to whoever lives behind the bamboo why I’m breaking eggs on the street. And the honest explanation sounded too ridiculous to be plausible. Or maybe, I hoped, it would sound so ridiculous they’d realize it had to be true.

A bearded guy with glasses poked his head out of the driver’s side window. “Hey, feel free to take some of that bamboo with you!” he said then drove off.

I was glad he left in such a hurry or I might have asked how many eggs his bamboo laid in a week.

14 Comments

  1. Ann Koplow

    Here’s another mystery, Christopher. This post reminded me of the ending of Annie Hall:

    This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, ‘Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.’ And the doctor says, ‘Well why don’t you turn him in?’ and the guy says, ‘I would, but I need the eggs.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I think it would be an even bigger mystery if this didn’t remind you, or me, of the ending of Annie Hall. It’s no mystery that in life we need the eggs.

      Reply
  2. Gina W.

    Well thank goodness you provided a photo of the broken egg or else I TOTALLY would not have believed you. Wait, how do we know it’s not in fact a regular chicken egg. I think I’m going to need to see a laboratory analysis report to believe you.

    Seriously, on my own blog sometimes I share such unusual things I always think the same thing– that people will just assume I’m a liar. What is this strange neurosis that we have? That will be the question of the day. Along with the egg mystery…

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It could have been a regular chicken egg. I have this weird idea that it fell or was thrown from someone’s car when they were on their way home from the store, but what the egg was doing out in their car is still a mystery. I’m just still puzzled that it was a real egg of any kind.
      And maybe we should get over this strange belief that people will assume we’re lying. I don’t know why anyone would assume that of you because you also back things up with photographic evidence, but it’s also been my experience that strange things really do happen.

      Reply
  3. kdcol

    Back in my younger days I had this little Grand Am, and, on occasion, when I tried to really give it some gas, you know to safely accelerate onto a freeway, it would drag. I was told by multiple people that it was probably sticky valves and that I should open it up every once in a while (read: SPEED) to get whatever was sticky to unstick. This was all pre-internet so you’d pretty much try Bubba’s advice. So the day I happened to try this “open it up” idea (thanks, Bubba), there happened to be a state trooper. And I got pulled over. And I told him the truth. I knew he didn’t believe me. But I didn’t get a ticket, just a verbal warning. So… what was the point of my story again? Oh yeah, sometimes truth truly is stranger than fiction. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I wonder if he’d heard that same advice. Maybe he’d even given that advice to someone he knew whose car had sticky valves. That’s what makes telling the truth so effective: no matter how weird it sounds someone else has probably had the same experience. Or they listen to Car Talk and have heard something even more ludicrous. The real mystery is, did speeding help prevent the dragging?

      Reply
  4. Spoken Like A True Nut

    Maybe somebody was having a very, very, VERY belated Easter egg hunt. They were in such a rush to make up for the lateness that they didn’t even have time to dye the eggs, they just hastily set them out around the neighborhood as-is.

    And then you came along and ruined everything by breaking one. Ruiner.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      As crazy as it sounds that’s the most plausible suggestion I’ve heard. I am ashamed for ruining peoples’ late Easter. And clearly they were in such a hurry they couldn’t even boil the eggs first.

      Reply
  5. Kristine @MumRevised

    I’m am pretty much almost pretty certain that it was the egg of a Purple-winged Ground-Dove. They are a protected species that lives in bamboo. Shame for breaking it! Or, maybe it was lunch for a Panda because they love bamboo too. Shame, shame. Only just possibly it was left over from Halloween when kids thought it would be funny to egg the bamboo. Who got the last laugh now?

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I had no idea Purple-winged Ground Doves had such large eggs. That would explain their distinctive call. And the pandas have their choice of Chinese and Vietnamese restaurants up and down the street if they want eggs with their bamboo. A leftover from Halloween is what I’m hoping for. I almost egged the bamboo for them.

      Reply
  6. TwerlaP

    I grew up on a farm, more like a hobby farm, since my dad had a ‘real’ job in the city. Ever since I was a little girl, one of my chores was the chickens. Before school I would go feed them and collect eggs. For awhile it was very common to find an egg just laying in the middle of the floor. Or in the yard, not really near anything. I think maybe one smart one figured out they wouldn’t get to hatch them, so why not just plop it out anywhere.
    PS. To those raising chickens- don’t start thinking that they’re pets. Cuz come Sunday dinner, you might not be able to choke down that drumstick.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      The funny thing is it’s legal to have chickens (but not roosters) within the city limits here, and quite a few people get fresh eggs from their own backyards. For a while I rode the bus with a woman who lives only a block away from me who has five or six chickens of her own. I’d think the egg was from one of hers, but she said they’re smaller than regular eggs you’d get from the store. They also lay so many she’s always trying to find creative new ways to use eggs.
      Oddly she also considers them pets, has them named, and says they have different personalities, but has no problem having fried chicken once in a while. She just wouldn’t dream of eating one of her own.

      Reply
  7. TwerlaP

    I’m never sure about the etiquette on leaving messages on past pages. Do I put it here? Or on your current post, so people might link back to this one? IDK
    Anyway today, two weeks from this post, I went to Walmart. I had the car-top down, so I parked wayy to the side, under some trees. Under the tree was an egg. Just sitting there like yours. I don’t think it came from walmart, cuz it was brown(do they sell those?). Like you, I picked it up, and yes, it was real. Freaky

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That is freaky. I do think Walmart sells brown eggs. Doesn’t every store sell brown eggs these days? When I was a kid there were only white eggs but then we went on a trip to Kentucky and the stores there had white and brown eggs. Now it seems like white and brown are equally common…and taste exactly the same.

      Reply

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