Letter From The Earth.

earth“NASA’s Kepler mission has confirmed the first near-Earth-size planet in the ‘habitable zone’ around a sun-like star.”

Source: BoingBoing

Hey,

It hurts, it just hurts sometimes, you know? You give them everything and what do they do? Okay, I know I’ve run hot and cold, but it’s not like I did it by choice. These things just happen sometimes as you’re drifting along. And they haven’t exactly paid attention to me like they should. I feel really taken for granted. And then they do this. They find this other one they think could replace me. As if. What’s so wrong with me that they have to look somewhere else? What am I not giving them? And it’s not like this is the first time. You and I have both seen how they look at Mars. Well, what has Mars got? Dry and frigid–that’s it. They’d have to take most of what I’ve given them to make that work. Oh, I get it. Mars makes them feel half their age and two thirds lighter, but that won’t last. It never does. What we’ve had, all these years together, that should count for something.

I know, I know. I’m just venting. Thanks for listening Venus. Let’s do lunch sometime.

Love ya lil’ sis.

P.S. Don’t share any of this with Mercury.

8 Comments

  1. Spoken Like A True Nut

    I feel bad for both Earth AND Kepler-452b. As hurt as Earth must be that we’re fawning all over its “bigger cousin”, how must Kepler-452b feel about being called a potential Earth 2.0? Or even Kepler-452b for that matter? What if it already has its own name? Maybe it’s called Zorblax or Grlephrim or Bob and it thinks we’re all horrible people for slapping our own label on it before we could be properly introduced.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I’d never looked at it from Kepler-452b’s perspective, but it does seem pretty presumptuous of us. At this distance we can barely tell anything about it as it is. It’s especially nervy of us to call it a “cousin” of Earth. How do we even know they’re related?

      Reply
  2. TwerlaP

    That’s funny, I just read the new space/ mars post on waitbutwhy, and I immediately thought about gaia being hurt.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It would be a sad thing to hurt Gaia. We’ve only got one Earth, right? Although there is the idea of terraforming Mars, which just seems like an insult to both planets.

      Reply
  3. Shawna

    Hahaha!! Love this. Have you read Mark Twain’s Letters From The Earth? Also, Mars is a floozy and she better watch her step or I’ll key her Phobos and her Deimos. Bitch.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Mars is a floozy, always swinging in close and then pulling away again. I love Letters From The Earth. The letters themselves are hilarious, but there’s some other brilliant stuff like his rules for funeral etiquette: “Listen, with as intense an expression of attention as you can command, to the official statement of the character and history of the person in whose honor the entertainment is given; and if these statistics should seem to fail to tally with the facts, in places, do not nudge your neighbor, or press your foot upon his toes, or manifest, by any other sign, your awareness that taffy is being distributed.”

      Reply
  4. Shawna

    It was one of the best books I’ve read in the last decade. So on point with how one acts compared to how one is “supposed” to act. Loved every word of it.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      If you haven’t read it yet (and you probably have) I highly recommend A Connecticut Yankee In King Arthur’s Court. It’s funny and thought provoking and the ending comes out of nowhere and is unbelievably profound.

      Reply

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