Zombies Are Into Everything These Days.

zombiegraffitiThe phenomenon of “zombie graffiti” has only further reified the extent to which this trope has developed into a metaculture with its own self-identifying participants, rituals, and (sub)texts.

-Dr. Lily Addams, “The Stalking Dead: The Evolution of Narrative Into Reality”, from Ars Academia, v.49 no.7, pps.77-49

Yes, zombies, you can live, but there have got to be some ground rules. If I invite you to dinner or out for coffee you can’t take that as an invitation to try and eat my torso. You’ve got to act a little more civilized. Try and play nice for a change. It would also help if you’d say something instead of just grunting or moaning. Let’s have a conversation that involves something other than brains. And maybe change clothes once in a while. You could do with a shower too, or at least put on some deodorant. I’m serious. It smells like something died.

Wow. I am so sorry. I really didn’t mean that. It just slipped out. I mean, really, I’m not prejudiced. I don’t have anything against the Animate Non-Living. Trust me, I really appreciate how much you people have contributed to our culture.

Here, you can nibble on my arm a little bit. Okay? Are we cool?

Hey, not so much!

6 Comments

  1. Jay

    Always take them somewhere that provides free snacks – bread, or peanuts, or something they can nibble on. Just seems safer that way.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That’s a really good idea. Zombies love finger foods.

      Reply
  2. Ann Koplow

    I always appreciate ground rules. This post makes me wonder if my cat Oscar is a zombie, because he’s nibbling on my hands as I’m writing this.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      If Oscar is then all cats are. I’ve never met a cat yet who didn’t nibble my fingers. I think the Egyptians were onto something worshipping cats as guardians of the dead.

      Reply
  3. Gina W.

    It took me for freaking ever to figure out the words. I thought it said “cameltoe”. Not kidding. Which would actually be some pretty awesome graffiti. CAMELTOE!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      You’re going to go write that on buildings now, aren’t you? I’m a terrible enabler.

      Reply

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