Zombie Survival Guide.

Worried about the zombie apocalypse? Here are a few simple tips to keep in mind that will help you stay safe and allow you to continue your existence in the nightmarish world of the animated deceased.

  1. At all costs protect your head and neck.
  2. Be aware of your surroundings. Mindless wandering is a path to destruction.
  3. Slow and stealthy is the key.
  4. Whenever possible attack from behind. If this isn’t possible move on.
  5. Keep an eye on stairs. What goes up must come down.
  6. Fire is bad for everybody.
  7. Every weapon has a weakness. Bats and blades only work at close range. Guns need reloading.
  8. Good places: farmhouses, abandoned shopping malls. Bad places: open fields, military bases.
  9. Go with the right crowd. Between thirty and fifty will give you good cover. More and you’ll have too much competition.
  10. No vehicle is a safe vehicle. This is especially true of helicopters.
  11. Traffic will not stop for you. In many cases cars will aim right for you.
  12. Don’t get sentimental. Friends and family are now food.
  13. Use your brain to get their brains. Their tasty, tasty brainssss…leaving

10 Comments

  1. Kristine @MumRevised

    Good, solid advice. After watching The Walking Dead, my fear seems real.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I feel it’s important to pass on this advice that I’ve learned from every zombie movie I’ve ever seen: your chances of survival are greatly improved by being dead.

      Reply
  2. Mila

    We have developed a zombie apocalypses escape plan at work. Like for fun. But seriously. Sometimes, I feel lucky to work with these crazies.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That is fantastic. Although really every place should have a zombie apocalypse plan. It could happen anytime, anywhere.

      Reply
  3. mydangblog

    Double tap. Never forget the double tap.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Yes, the double tap is vital. Almost as important as being wary of bathrooms.

      Reply
  4. Ann Koplow

    Thanks, Chris. From now on, I will practice mindful wandering.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I’m glad my advice can help you and others find the way.

      Reply
  5. Sarah

    My colleague talks about the impending zombie apocalypse so much that I’m starting to believe in it. Now you’re giving advice. I’m going to start preparing and take down notes on these tips! 🙂 I’ve never seen the Walking Dead and apparently I’m missing out?? It seems to be ‘all the rage’ in the U.S. but I don’t get it on my German TV. We’re stuck with the dubbed versions of Full House and Family Matters on repeat!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Dubbed versions of Full House and Family Matters? That’s scarier than the zombie apocalypse. Too bad you’re not getting dubbed reruns of Alf. That would be pretty funny. “Hey Wilhelm! Ich habe deine Katze! Ha!”
      Anyway I’ve never watched The Walking Dead either, mainly because I want to watch it from the beginning and not miss anything and, well, I’ve been putting it off for I think seven years now.
      And I hope my advice will help if it ever does happen. My focus is on helping the zombies survive.

      Reply

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