It’s All In The Details.

fragileDetailed Package Tracking

December 9

10:12am-Your package has been accepted for delivery.

10:44am-Your package is now ready to be shipped.

11:01am-The shipping department crew is now laughing at you for purchasing the extra insurance.

11:07am-Your package is being shaken by Kevin who’s really good at figuring out what’s being shipped.

11:22am-Your package has been thrown across the room into a large wheeled hamper.

11:34am-A bunch of other packages have been dropped on top of yours.

11:37am-The hamper with your package has just been moved six feet to the left.

11:43am-Everyone’s gone to lunch.

12:36pm-The hamper with your package has been moved six feet to the right.

12:42pm-Employees are now playing ‘Toss The Packages Marked Fragile’.”

12:57pm-Kevin just lost for the fifth time.

1:03pm-Kevin is re-taping your package.

2:34pm-Your package has been loaded onto the delivery truck.

2:58pm-The delivery truck driver is still scratching himself.

3:21pm-The delivery truck is now in transit.

4:05pm-In transit.

5:07pm-In transit.

5:22pm-In traffic.

5:43pm-Delivery driver getting coffee.

5:58pm-In traffic.

6:03pm-Driver stopped to have a beer.

6:48pm-Driver going the wrong way.

7:22pm-Driver knows you’re home. Quietly left a note saying delivery attempted but no response.

8:31pm-Driver returned to shipping hub.

9:03pm-Employees are laughing about people who didn’t get their packages delivered.

December 10

12:03pm-Driver in transit with your package.

12:24pm-Per instructions you arrive at the shipping warehouse to pick up your package.

12:36pm-Clerk looking for your package.

12:45pm-Warehouse employees laughing at you for making a special trip.

1:03pm-Package delivered to your neighbor’s house.

2:25pm-Your neighbor is in transit.

2:34pm-Neighbor going the wrong way.

2:48pm-Package delivered.

 

10 Comments

  1. Paula

    This is not fun to read because I have been waiting on a package for over a week. I tracked it and it said I would have it by 8pm Wednesday. I was forced to answer the door all day thinking it was my delivery. When I didn’t get it I checked the tracking again. It now says it will be here Friday (today) by 8pm. I feel they are toying with my emotions.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Now I feel kind of bad. I know what it’s like to have your emotions toyed with. A few years ago I decided to try a free offer for the “prime” service offered by a certain company. I won’t name names–let’s just say the company’s named after a certain large South American river. Their service had guaranteed speedy delivery of anything I ordered. And as promised they provided free speedy shipping.
      The problem was everything I ordered spent more than a week in “processing”.

      Reply
  2. Arionis

    That is one accurate (and hilarious!) tracking status. I think your package may also have been routed through this Chinese sorting facility.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That video is hilarious. I love that the only boxes that actually make it onto the conveyor belt seem to get there by accident. Several years ago I toured a shipping warehouse and we saw a guy handling packages like that. The tour guide quickly moved us along to another area.

      Reply
  3. Mila

    Ahahaha. Also, Kevin is such a dick.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      He really is which is why Kevin never stays in one place very long.

      Reply
  4. Ann Koplow

    December 11
    1:09 AM Your delivery is hilarious.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      December 13
      1:15PM Your comment made me literally laugh out loud.

      Reply
  5. Gilly Maddison

    That is hilarious but sadly, so accurate. You have to be a special kind of person to work with parcels in any capacity. You need a degree in stupid. My husband was waiting for some very expensive jeans to be delivered by courier. After a week went by and still no jeans we called and they said they had been delivered and a signature provided. After a lot of wrangling (no pun intended!), we found the jeans laying just inside our back garden gate where they had been thrown over a 6ft fence. It was winter and we tend not to go out into that part of the garden in daylight hours and had not seen them. And heaven only knows who signed the delivery note – but I am guessing it was Kevin.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Kevin is always to blame. I used to work in a mailroom and had to deal with delivery people daily. Their favorite trick was to slip in a package or two that was supposed to be delivered next door or across the street. They couldn’t be bothered to deliver it themselves and they knew I’d deliver it because I was the one who signed the delivery note.

      Reply

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