Twenty-Seven YouTube Videos I Would Make If I Had The Resources
- The camera slowly moves down a very long bar past an array of characters: a guy with a big piece of asphalt who says, “One for me and one for the road,” a dog with a bandage on its foot who says, “I’m lookin’ for the man who shot my paw,” a skeleton who says, “I’ll have a beer and a mop,” a grasshopper who says, “You have a drink named Murray?”, Shakespeare who says, “Whaddya mean I’m bard?” and so on. Finally it comes to the door just as a priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk in together and the bartender says, “Is this a joke?” Since Shakespeare is dead he can also play the skeleton.
- Me getting a tattoo while singing “Safety Dance”. Learning to sing will be the second hardest part after deciding what kind of tattoo I want. All I know is it’ll be one of those temporary ones.
- A remake of the trial of No.48 from “The Prisoner”, but done as a music video for Duran Duran’s “The Reflex”
- A friend of mine said she could listen to Ian McKellan read the phone book so it would be twenty minutes of Ian McKellan reading a phone book to my friend. But it would have to be the business section or if it’s residential bleeped for privacy reasons. And do they still make phone books?
- Drone footage of a remote and rarely visited place, like Poughkeepsie.
- A video with an irresistible title that makes people think something really exciting is coming up but it’s just the Rick Astley video for “Never Gonna Give You Up”. Why has no one ever thought of this?
- The Joker is at home sitting at his computer. He clicks and a meme pops up on the screen: “Be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then be Batman.” He sighs, goes to his closet, and pulls out a Batman costume. I imagine The Joker lives in a really cheap apartment.
- A powerful courtroom drama, but with aardvarks.
- A remake of the diner scene from “When Harry Met Sally”, but set in the Mos Eisely cantina.
- A guy laughing and playing with aardvarks which are the funniest animals ever until they squirt acid from their eyes.
- A static image of an album cover with a song from that album. I can’t decide which one though.
- A chocolate bar you can reach into the computer screen and grab. This may be a bit of a stretch. I read about it in a book once and think about it every time I crave chocolate at work.
- An instructional video about how to make perfect hollandaise sauce. The secret ingredient is eggs. Platypus eggs.
- A tribute to the majestic elephant and why they frequently lock their keys in their car.
- Me falling through a series of horrifying images while I recite AC/DC’s “Come On Feel The Noise” in a dull, almost monotone voice.
- A recreation of the car ride from Airplane! with me playing the Robert Stack part, but singing Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right”. This doesn’t sound too hard except that I can’t sing.
- Do you think it would be cool to remake A-Ha’s “Take On Me” music video but with the animated and live sequences reversed? Yeah, me neither.
- Seven words: my TARDIS is a Port-A-John.
- A cat video directed by Stanley Kubrick.
- A study of the body’s most magical part, the philtrum, titled, “What The Hell Is That Thing?”
- A salt-eating contest.
- Time-lapse video of a birthday cake in an office breakroom being eaten until only a few crumbs and a blob or two of frosting is left. Final frame: “Elapsed time: 30 seconds”.
- A live-action Coyote and Roadrunner cartoon done as a Samuel Beckett play.
- My 30-minute standup routine done before a completely empty theater. At the end I don’t drop the mic. I throw it. And it explodes.
- The miracle of tadpole to frog to aardvark.
- I’ve always loved Claymation and it would be fun to have a time-lapse making-of video.
- Metallica’s “Wherever I May Roam” used as music for a “My Mother The Car” fan video.
I’d watch #3 until my Internet broke.
AC/DC /= Cum On Feel the Noize (my spelling is correct, because my brain is full of idiotic content like Quiet Riot trivia).
Thank you for the corrections! I need to fix that although actually my version is called, “Would You Like To Accompany Me In The Appreciation of Some High-Decibel Audio?”
And for the record #3 is all I want for my 48th birthday.
You must be snowed in…
If I were snowed in I think I’d actually be making some of these. Although Saturday morning I got up at six, saw there was no snow, went back to bed, then got back up at eight, saw two inches of snow on the ground, and went back to bed.
Same exact thing happened to me – which, given that we live in the same town, isn’t all that amazing. I would watch at least 13 of these. I won’t tell you which – so you’ll need to make them all.
I see your challenge and accept it. Stay tuned for partial excitement.
You definitely have the resources, Chris.
The mental resources, yes, but the technical skills and cast elude me. Perhaps this can be taken as a call, though.
I’m sensing a reoccurring theme with the aardvarks. If you could get them to ride buses with you, I think your life might be complete.
Those would all be great videos, but my favorite has got to be #9.
An aardvark on a bus would be amazing. I really do think they’re the funniest animals in the world: they’re big ant-eating pigs with long tails and bunny ears.
And strangely enough #9 seems like one of the ones that would be easier to pull off.
What’s ‘a grasshopper who says, “You have a drink named Murray?” ‘
I fail to get the reference but then I’m only a miserable foreigner.
It’s a fairly obscure joke even among miserable Americans: A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Murray?”