Things My Grandfather Claimed Would Put Hair On My Chest:
- Whiskey
- Smoked oysters
- Uruguayan cigars
- The evening news
- Learning to use a band saw
- Shooting squirrels in the backyard with a BB gun
- Bananas
- Swallowing watermelon seeds
- Reading William Faulkner
- Buttermilk
- Driving
- Puberty
And the disgusting cough syrup we had as kids. Oh dear, that clown. I need to go and lay down to recover from the trauma. ??
Store-bought cough syrup was terrible, but my mother had a homemade remedy of honey, lemon juice, and a little whiskey that might also have put hair on my chest and was good enough I’d sometimes try to get a cold on purpose.
Good list. If it was updated, he would probably take off the evening news because it just doesn’t fit the bill any longer and is more akin to a waxing session.
You’re right, the evening news is waxing, which is why I tend to wane when it comes on.
13. A full moon
14. The Hair Club for Men
15. Posts like this one
19. Brilliant comments like this one. I feel fairly hirsute now.
16. Rian. (That’s Nair spelled sdrawkcab (that’s backwards spelled backwards))
17. My golden retrievers jumping on my chest.
18. Genetics.
Genetics, eh? We should conduct some experiments on this. I’d say get Gregor Mendel on the phone, but we’re a bit late since he’s been dead 133 years and I don’t think anyone can confirm how hirsute his pecs were.