Keep It On Ice.

While it’s a myth that no two snowflakes are alike snowflakes still come in a dazzling array of forms.

Ice is just ice. It’s solid water. It’s not going out of its way to be special.

 

If you fall in snow it gently cushions you.

If you fall on ice it will do as much as it can to break every one of your bones.

 

Snow floats and gently coats the world as it falls.

Ice just falls. It sticks, seeps into nooks and crannies, and pushes everything aside. Ice lets you know it’s arrived.

 

Most snowflakes form around dust particles.

Ice doesn’t need help from anyone.

 

A typical snowflake has roughly 180 billion molecules of water.

Ice consumes all. It has no limits. Do not mock ice.

 

Snow forms drifts that you can see.

Ice forms invisible patches. Ice doesn’t need to be seen and wants you to know that.

 

Lie down in snow and move your arms and legs out from your body. You’ll form a snow angel.

Lie down on ice. It will make you cold. Ice is going to do its own thing and doesn’t care what you want.

 

Snow is ideal for skiing, snowboarding, and sledding.

Ice is ideal for skating and hockey. Blades and bloodshed are how ice rolls.

The largest recorded snowfall in the United States in a twenty-four hour period was in April 1921 in Silver Lake, Colorado. It snowed 75.8 inches.

Ice is a really big fan of Ethel Merman.

 

Light snow is often called “powder”.

Ice doesn’t need any silly nicknames except in drinks consumed by grim men in dark bars, and even then it’s only known as “the rocks”.

 

All snowflakes are six-sided.

Ice only has one side: ice.

 

Snow is a good insulator and can be used to build shelters.

Ice wants you to die.

 

Some people have chionophobia which means “fear of snow”.

Everyone fears ice. Ice wants it that way and ice gets what it wants.

 

There are records of snowflakes as big as fifteen inches.

Ice will cover a whole lake if it wants to. You got a problem with that? Ice wants you to come out here and jump up and down and say that.

 

Snowball fights are a fun way to enjoy the winter outdoors with your friends.

Ice ball fights are how wars get started.

 

Snow only forms under very special atmospheric conditions.

Ice is just cold. If you need this explained to you again ice will cut you.

 

Winter snowfall provides more than three-fourths of the water that supports the climate of western North America.

Ice has been implicated in international money laundering.

 

Large accumulations of snow on mountains can result in avalanches.

Ice is directly responsible for avalanches. It taunts the snow into just giving up.

 

Scientists have found layers of snow at the polar regions that go back thousands of years.

Ice advises you to just keep moving and don’t ask what happened here unless you want to end up like Sonny Corleone.

 

Frosty The Snowman is a magical character brought to life by children and forced to leave town after an altercation with the police.

Ice runs this town. You cross ice and ice will put you in a woodchipper.

 

When snow melts it turns into fluffy kittens.

When ice melts it makes everything around it cold. Ice wants you to know that you will pay.

10 Comments

  1. Chuck Baudelaire

    Turns out I’m ice. Good to know.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      You’re as cold as ice, you’re willing to sacrifice…wait, this sounds like a song. Anyway I always knew you were cool.

      Reply
  2. Allison

    I managed to slip on the ice on our front stairs day one of this mess. I have a bruise to show for it. I could put ice on it, but that’s adding insult to injury. The dog likes to eat snow. she’s indifferent to ice.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It was my own slipping that inspired this. I fell on my head so nothing important was damaged. Piper’s smart for eating the snow. That’s a good way of clearing a path through it.

      Reply
  3. BarbaraM

    Ice ain’t no pussy. But both snow and ice are responsible for the Winter Olympics. soooo, maybe a little pussy.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Ice helps with the Winter Olympics but ain’t interested in playing. Snow is much more of a player.

      Reply
  4. Arionis

    Ice is not very nice. In fact, it’s an ice-hole.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Jokes like that might earn you a quick kick in the ice.

      Reply
  5. Ann Koplow

    The coolest,Chris. No brain damage here.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I’m glad there’s no brain damage although, as Pink Floyd might say, the lunatics are on the ice.

      Reply

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