Aesop’s Prequels.

The Fox Tries Some Grapes

The Stag offered the Fox a bunch of grapes.

“Hey, I’m really full and don’t want these. You want some?”

“No thanks,” said the Fox. “I really don’t like grapes.”

“Come on!” snorted the Stag. “What do you mean you don’t like grapes? Everybody likes grapes.”

“Well I don’t,” said the Fox. “So clearly not everybody likes grapes.”

The Stag threw the grapes down. “Look, I was just trying to be nice. You don’t have to be a jerk about it. You say you don’t like grapes, fine, don’t eat the damn grapes then.”

“Fine!” yelled the Fox. He bit off a few grapes and chewed them up. His mouth puckered at how sour they were but he forced himself to smile anyway.

“Good, aren’t they?” said the Stag.

The Fox nodded, suppressing the urge to spit chewed up grapes in the Stag’s face.

Moral: Sometimes you just have to eat the grapes.

The Grasshopper & The Ant

The Grasshopper was a hard worker who diligently prepared for the future. From morning to night the Grasshopper collected food and cleaned house. One day, carrying home a heavy parcel, the Grasshopper bumped into the Ant who dropped its load of seeds wrapped in a leaf.

“I’m sorry,” said the Grasshopper, putting down her own parcel and helping the Ant gather the seeds.

“I don’t have time for this,” muttered the Ant.

The Grasshopper placed more seeds on the Ant’s leaf.

“It must have been hard work collecting these. Why don’t you take a minute to rest?”

“No time to rest,” said the Ant, collecting the rest of the seeds. “We have a saying: If you rest it’s the death of the nest.”

The Grasshopper held up a seed. “You really should take a break once in a while.”

“No breaks,” said the Ant, snatching the seed and wrapping it up with the others in the leaf. “We’re born, we work, we die.”

After the Ant left the Grasshopper sat and thought for a long time. Finally she stood up.

“I’m never going to be like that.” She turned toward home. “And I really need a drink.”

Moral: What are you busting your ass for if you’re not going to enjoy life once in a while?

The Tortoise & Friends.

The Hedgehog looked to the Rat who looked to the Goose who looked to the Tortoise.

“So,” said the Hedgehog, “we’re all agreed. We’re sick of his bragging, we’re sick of hearing about how fast he is, and we’ve got to take him down. We just need to decide who’s going to run the race.”

The animals all looked at each other.

“Well,” said the Rat, “there’s only one of us who hasn’t raced the Hare and lost.”

“Fine,” said the Tortoise. “I’ll do it. I just have one question. Who’s gonna slip him the sleeping pill?”

Moral: Fill in your own answer here.

9 Comments

  1. Red

    These are hilarious! Especially because this winter I was recording pared down versions of a bunch of Aesop’s Fables (20? 30?) for use as online English language lessons for little kids. I wish I could send these to my boss, but she probably wouldn’t get the sarcasm.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I guess you really have to be brought up with these to get the humor, especially since I think some of these are thoughts I’ve had ever since I first heard the originals.

      Reply
  2. Ann Koplow

    Here’s the prequel to this comment:

    Ann thought, “I wonder what awesome posts Chris has been writing lately?”

    Moral: Read Freethinkers Anonymous!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Moral to this comment: Read Ann’s blog and wonderful comments.

      Reply
  3. Arionis

    Moral: It’s not cheating if you REALLY want to win.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Oh yeah! I forget which one it was but I heard a baseball player who got caught taking steroids say “If you ain’t cheatin’ you ain’t tryin’.”

      Reply
  4. Tom

    Hahahaha! Your brain is an absolute marvel of nature, my friend! 🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Wow. That’s one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten. Imagine my brain next to the Gobi Desert.

      Reply
      1. Tom

        Your brain might be bigger. 😉

        Reply

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