Worse Omens.

The upcoming TV adaptation of Good Omens, the hilarious book by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, looks pretty fantastic, and seemed like a good excuse for a repost of this from a few years ago.

This is some party, isn’t it? The Thorns really don’t spare any expense. I’ve been to some of the other events they’ve put on and they always go big, but this is pretty huge even for them. I guess since the kid’s adopted they want to make a big deal out of his first birthday. They’re trying to make him feel welcome and all. I wonder if he’ll even notice it or remember any of it.

I noticed that weird birthmark too! It’s kind of hard to miss. Maybe that’s why Mrs. Thorn keeps putting his little cap back on. Isn’t that cute? You’re right, it does look kind of like a cluster of 9’s. At least it did earlier. Maybe it’ll change as he gets older. His hair will cover it up anyway. You want to hear something weird? That priest thought it looked like something completely different. You know, the priest who was harassing the family a while back. He kept saying it looked like the Roman numerals DCLXVI. He said that even stood for something from Revelations. What a crackpot. That was right before he was killed in that freak accident when a gargoyle fell off his church right on top of him.

Is it just me or do a lot of crazy accidents seem to happen around this kid? No, really, I mean it. Did you hear about his pediatrician? Oh, this is too weird. His pediatrician said the kid had jackal blood. I know, right? I didn’t even know they tested for that sort of thing. I asked my kid’s pediatrician and she thought I was insane. I guess doctors all have different opinions. Anyway right after the pediatrician said that he was killed in that freak elevator accident. The investigators said it was really a million to one chance something like that would happen. Well, I guess that was the millionth chance. Maybe it’s not that weird. People win the lottery too every day, right? I guess it was just bad luck.

The accident the maid had isn’t nearly as weird. I know she yelled at him the same day it happened but what was she thinking? Who in their right mind cleans a chandelier from the second floor landing on a rickety old ladder? Really. It’s like she was just asking for a fall. Lucky for the Thorns that new maid was available to start right away. Well Mr. Thorn said it was lucky. Between you and me Mrs. Thorn—you know, Rosemary—she doesn’t like the new nanny one bit. She especially doesn’t like that big dog that came with her, but the dog is very protective of the kid. I told her they should consider obedience classes. She said she’ll look into that but it’s like the dog is very well trained already and will do anything the kid or the nanny wants. I guess that’s a good thing.

There really is something weird about him. The kid, I mean. Have you noticed he never cries? He just seems, I don’t know, really intense. And what’s the deal with the choir that follows him around? It seems like they always start chanting right when somebody’s about to die. The priest, the pediatrician, the maid, that private investigator who was looking into the orphanage, the photographer who said there were strange shadows in the pictures, the kooky archaeologist with the daggers, the nurse that drew his blood, the cousin who was afraid of the kid. I’m not saying the choir had anything to do with all those deaths. I mean, those were all accidents, right? There goes the choir starting up again.

Have you noticed the kid’s been staring at us this whole time?

And here’s the trailer for Good Omens.

8 Comments

  1. Kristine @MumRevised

    Seems like they all need to just calm down. You know, I heard garlic helps with this? Or, was it wooden crosses or silver daggers. Maybe just try them all.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Funny you should mention daggers because, as I recall, in The Omen II there was an effort to acquire some daggers that were the only way to kill Damien. Also I understand the kid they cast as Damien really was a little monster. During a test shoot the kid started kicking one of the other actors in the shins and had to be dragged away.

      Reply
  2. BarbaraM

    Nah, I’m not the least bit superstitious. (gulp). Unfortunately, I don’t subscribe to Prime Video, because that looks like it would be an interesting series.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Actually I don’t subscribe to Prime Video either but I’ll find a way to see it because I love the book so much–and if you haven’t read Good Omens by Gaiman and Pratchett I highly recommend it. It’ll actually make you laugh about the apocalypse.

      Reply
  3. Tom

    Nice!

    You know, I bought this book from a used bookstore in 2009, on my way to hang out with family for the day at the lake. I’m not overly a lake person so I bought it to read it if I got bored. I never got bored. That book still sits on my shelf, unread.

    I hear it’s good? 😉

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Yeah, Good Omens is pretty good. Actually I don’t think you can go wrong with a story about the Antichrist being raised by the wrong family, but it helps that Gaiman and Pratchett worked together so brilliantly.
      I know you’ve got quite the reading list but I recommend it.

      Reply
  4. Ann Koplow

    I’m laughing about the apocalypse already, Chris.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      The apocalypse really is funny. One disappointing note: there was a plan to make Good Omens into a movie years ago with Mel Brooks as the Voice of God. Unfortunately it looks like he’s not involved with this version even though I can’t think of anyone better.

      Reply

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