A Classic Never Goes Out Of Style.

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Oh lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz,

My friends all drives Porches, I must make amends.

Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,

So lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

-Janis Joplin, 1970

 

Oh lord, won’t you help me invest in the Pound,

Brexit has killed it, but it’ll come around.

Investment in currency’s a strategy that’s sound,

So lord, won’t you buy me about ten million Pounds.

-2016

 

Oh lord, won’t you buy me a new hybrid car,

Gas prices spiked, I had to sell my Jaguar,

It’s good for the environment to drive like a film star,

So lord, won’t you buy me a new hybrid car?

-2003

 

Oh lord, won’t you buy me an Apple computer,

I’ll use it for finances, and the kids need a tutor,

We like the Macintosh ‘cause it’s so much cuter,

So lord, won’t you buy me an Apple computer?

-1984

 

Oh lord, won’t you buy me a walk-in humidor,

I’ve made millions in dot-coms, I know I’ll make some more,

Someday, I’m sure lord, we’ll even up the score,

But for now, lord, won’t you buy me a walk-in humidor?

-1999

 

Oh lord, won’t you help me out with my mortgage,

I’ve had to put most of my stuff into storage,

I’m cutting out coupons and learning to forage,

So lord won’t you help me out with my mortgage?

-2007

 

Oh lord, won’t you help me invest in real estate,

Flipping homes I fix up has turned out really great,

They say it’s a bubble but there’s no limit on the rate,

So lord, won’t you help me invest in real estate?

-2005

 

Oh lord, won’t you help me solve the damn Rubik’s cube.

My friend does it in minutes, I look like a rube,

If I can’t get all solids I might blow a tube,

So lord, won’t you help me solve the damn Rubik’s cube?

-1981

 

Oh lord, can’t you find me a Tickle Me Elmo,

Christmas is coming and what rhymes with Elmo?

My kid wants one so bad I drove to Anselmo,

So lord, can’t you find me a Tickle me Elmo?

-1996

 

Oh lord, won’t you buy me some single-malt scotch?

I’ve had a bad day, one I’ve totally botched.

That sweet tartan whiskey could take me up a notch,

So lord, won’t you buy me some single-malt scotch?

-ANY TIME

4 Comments

  1. Kristine @MumRevised

    Oh lord, won’t you buy me a steel slatted wall?
    Spent my coin on hamberders and can’t make the call
    The Dems won’t budge, I’m not paying people at all
    So lord, won’t you buy me a steel slatted wall?

    PS: I’m pretty sure you nailed the Elmo rhymes.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Now I feel bad for taking so long to reply to this comment that the shutdown is actually over. Oh well, you nailed this one and it’s nice to have a 2019 verse. That just underscores the point that Joplin’s song is always topical.

      Reply
  2. Ann Koplow

    Oh lord, won’t you buy me a blog post by Chris,
    They’re so bright and amusing, especially this,
    His cleverness brings all his readers such bliss,
    Oh lord, won’t you buy me a blog post by Chris.

    (If you start charging, this one can’t miss.)

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I could never bring myself to charge anyone money for admission to my blog, but I would pay money to hear you sing this verse, or anything else.

      Reply

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