Remedies To Remember.

Starve a fever, feed a cold.

Ice on a sprain, heat on a strain.

Peroxide on a cut, petroleum jelly on a burn.

Pressure for a bruise, rest for a cramp.

Cooling for sunburn, warming for chilblains.

Sleep for a migraine, exercise for a hangover.

Cayenne oil for soreness, alfalfa juice for swelling.

Breathe deeply with a charley horse, hold your breath with hiccups.

Chicken soup for the flu, broth for the catarrh.

Moisture for itching, wicking for sweating.

Honey for a sore throat, preparations of sulfur for the croup.

Suction for snakebite, ointment for scabies.

Tilt back with a nosebleed, recline with vertigo.

Aspirin for warts, retinoid for carbuncles.

Garlic for gangrene, citrus rind for halitosis.

Warm milk for night terrors, pectin for nervous philtrum.

Poultices for dislocated lobe, molasses for irritable toenail.

Bacon grease for fiddler’s elbow, brandy for well digger’s ass.

Quicklime for a shallow grave, formic acid for badger infestation.

Sticks and stones, rubber and glue.

Bungle in the jungle, that’s all right with me.

 

6 Comments

  1. Red

    Whew! I’m so glad to know what to do for Gangrene!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Here’s a fun and absolutely true fact: the first European to set foot in what is now Chicago was Nicholas Perrot, who went there in 1671. According to legend he survived the winter there by eating soup he made with wild garlic, which is what gives Chicago its name, and that prevented gangrene.
      Sometimes actual facts slip into things I write no matter how much I try to avoid it.

      Reply
  2. Allison

    I need to cut this out and put it on the fridge. Never know when you’re going to succumb to irritable toenail!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Irritable toenail always strikes without warning.

      Reply
  3. Ann Koplow

    Apple cider vinegar and Chris’s blog for everything.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Apple cider vinegar is an excellent cure-all. I just hope sometimes I can cure what ails you too.

      Reply

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