Unchained Malady.

How do you know if it’s a cold or an allergy? Here’s a helpful guide to distinguishing the two.

  1. Symptoms include sneezing, coughing, or a sore throat.
  2. Symptoms include fever.
  3. Symptoms include itchy, watery eyes.
  4. Symptoms include general achiness.
  5. A skin rash is present.
  6. Caused by a viral infection.
  7. Caused by the immune system reacting to something usually harmless.
  8. Symptoms last several weeks.
  9. May be treated with an antihistamine.
  10. Only requires medical attention in extreme cases.
  11. Was the star of an ‘80’s sitcom.
  12. Speaks fluent Portuguese.
  13. Prefers West Coast hip-hop.
  14. Never leaves a tip.
  15. Always falls for spam email.
  16. Doesn’t make threats, only promises—oh, and a good pork roll.
  17. Doesn’t know the way to San Jose.
  18. Arrested several times for jaywalking.
  19. Can’t read cursive.
  20. Presents as blisters on the hands and feet after exposure to cold and humidity.

8 Comments

  1. Allison

    Bonus points for Tom Lehrer. I have allergies. And the occasional heartbreak of psoriasis.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I’m really sorry to hear about the psoriasis. Although interestingly both allergies and psoriasis are an immune system reaction.

      Reply
  2. BarbaraM

    Well, with your posts, at least I know where my hand mirror is at all times!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      The hand mirror seems like a lot of trouble. You could just do what I do and copy and paste it into MS Paint and reverse the image.

      Reply
  3. Ann Koplow

    How do I know it’s a blog post from Chris? My immune system reacts with gratitude.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That reminds me of George Carlin’s wonderful bit about strengthening his immune system.

      Reply
  4. mydangblog

    Dang–I had both for number 18!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Well, it could very well be both for #18. I haven’t checked the records that carefully.

      Reply

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