Epic Break.

Just look at it!

Source: BananaRoad

There is an app for your phone that alerts you when it’s the best time to take a break from a movie. It’s called, fittingly, RunPee, and it’s for when you’re watching an exceptionally long movie. There are two problems with this that I can think of. The first is when I go to see a movie in the theater I turn my phone completely off. I don’t want it to alert me to anything. The second is I don’t want people around me getting up and walking around me when I’m trying to watch a movie. And I say that as someone who enjoys going to a theater and sitting in the dark with a group of strangers. When I went to see Pulp Fiction a couple behind me got into an argument during the film’s opening.

“I seen this afore,” said the woman. “I know I seen this. It was on TV.”

Then the man started laughing. “You’re dumb!” he said, a little too loudly. “This ain’t never been on TV.”

“Are you sure this weren’t on TV?”

At that point I turned around and gave them a look and the man laughed again and said, “Now see what you done?”

I was glad they shut up after that but I also enjoyed the way their commentary seemed like a weird part of the movie itself.

Also I just thought of a third problem: if there’s a scene in a movie that’s long enough for people to take a break and so unnecessary that people can take a break maybe the damn movie shouldn’t be three hours in the first place.

Or we could bring back a venerable tradition that made many classic films more enjoyable, and this is not even close to a complete list:

Gone With The Wind

Run time: 3 hours, 58 minutes with an intermission

Ben-Hur

Run time: 3 hours, 44 minutes with an intermission

Lawrence of Arabia

Run time: 3 hours, 44 minutes with an intermission

2001: A Space Odyssey

Run time: 2 hours, 44 minutes with an intermission

I’ve heard some people used the break to drop windowpane for “the ultimate trip”.

The Sound Of Music

Run time: 2 hours, 54 minutes with an intermission

Fiddler On The Roof

Run time: 3 hours, 21 minutes with an intermission

It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World!

Run time: 3 hours, 30 minutes with an intermission

Fantasia

Run time: 2 hours, 6 minutes with an intermission

Funny Girl

Run time: 2 hours, 35 minutes with an intermission

Doctor Zhivago

Run time: 3 hours, 20 minutes with an intermission

Spartacus

Run time: 3 hours, 18 minutes with an intermission

Cleopatra

Run time: 5 hours, 20 minutes and I hope several intermissions

Monty Python & The Holy Grail

Run time: 1 hour, 32 minutes with an intermission

19 Comments

  1. Bookstooge

    Ok, I’ve been trying to comment from my home computer for over a week now and keep getting a 403error. Trying from work to see what happens…

    Reply
    1. Bookstooge

      Dang. That means it’s my home computer. Well shoot, Now I’m going to have to figure out what is going on. Glad to know it is on my end though…

      Reply
      1. Bookstooge

        I use an internet filter at home. Any idea if that might have something to do with me not being able to leave comments here? The odd thing is, it’s only your site and I follow several non-wordpress ones.

        Reply
        1. Bookstooge

          And now i’m home and replying through the wordpress notification bar thingy instead of directly at your site.

          Reply
          1. Bookstooge

            And I just tried directly on your website and got the 403 error. Which means it is not my computer as I can reply here in the notification bar. Guess I’ll have to investigate just exactly what a 403 error is.

          2. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

            I think it was one of the plugins which I’ve hopefully now fixed. Or it may be one of the other plugins that’s causing a conflict. It’s hard to tell–this site is powered by WordPress but isn’t a WP site, but the latest WP upgrade seems to have caused some trouble. Anyway thank you for your patience.

          3. Bookstooge

            No problem. I was just worried it was me. You might have noticed me following and unfollowing you. I was just trying to figure out what was going on. Are you using a WP dotcom or dotorg host?

          4. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

            I’m not sure whether I’m using a dotcom or dotorg. Either way it looks like it was me, not you. Story of my life. :/

          5. Bookstooge

            😀

  2. Allison

    I was having the same issue. I switched from Chrome to IE and that “solved it” but I am glad to be back commenting in Chrome. I think we need intermissions. That’s why I like watching at home. I get to decide when we’re at a good stopping point.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Picking your own stopping point is a big advantage of watching at home, but I still love the romance of going to the theater, getting a ticket at the box office, buying my big tub of popcorn. I just don’t get a drink anymore because that would interrupt the experience.

      Reply
  3. Arionis

    Back in my drinking days, which weren’t that long ago, I actually used this app on vibrate at a cinema that served beer. I could get through a long movie on soda but no way on the beer I was renting. Problem was, every time it suggested I go pee I didn’t have to. I got rid of it after trying it a few times. Now when they come up with the STADIUM PAL that Howard used on an episode of the Big Bang Theory, we’ll be in business!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      The Stadium Pal is a real thing. David Sedaris even talked about getting one before The Big Bang Theory did it. Anyway Howard created a slight problem aboard the International Space Station when he made a mistake designing the onboard toilet, so he may not be the most trustworthy source.
      And a shy bladder is my problem. Even if I could go when the app told me it was a good time I probably wouldn’t be able to.

      Reply
      1. Arionis

        I never in a million years thought that would be a real thing! Figures I would find out after I had to stop drinking.
        Arionis recently posted…One In A Million Shot(s)My Profile

        Reply
  4. Ann Koplow

    I’ll keep posting comments here no matter how long it takes to succeed, Chris, even if I have to take intermissions.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I never want to take a break from your comments, whatever it takes.

      Reply
  5. mydangblog

    We just saw Avengers: Endgame yesterday and we could ALL have used an intermission! I had no idea it was over 3 hours long! Also, the Python intermissions are the best. By the way, we saw The Lego Movie Two last night, and if you ever do a post about the best end credits, that should definitely be on the list!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I assume I should see the first Lego Movie before I see the second one, but I’ve heard they’re both so fun I want to see them.
      And bringing back the intermission would also take us back to a time when going to the movies was an event. Well, I don’t think people should dress up just to go the movies, but it should be treated as something special.

      Reply
      1. mydangblog

        I would just watch the credits—that’s worth the price of admission alone!

        Reply

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge
%d bloggers like this: