Dream On.

So my wife is a light sleeper. I kind of envy that. I’m a very heavy sleeper and I always have this fear in the back of my mind that I’m missing something or that I might miss something, that I might sleep through a tornado or a fire or a herd of wild warthogs crashing through the bedroom in the middle of the night. It’s a fear that would keep me up at night if it weren’t so exhausting. I’ve also found I can sleep almost anywhere. More than once sharing a hotel room with friends I’ve slept in the bathtub, which can really be quite comfortable once you get enough bedding down and don’t put your pillow over the faucet end.
Anyway the other morning I was going to make an early run to the grocery store and let my wife sleep. I used to do this at least once a week, back when I’d go to work and she’d sometimes stay home, and had a whole routine: I’d put my clothes and wallet and keys in the spare bedroom so I could get dressed and go without disturbing her. I showered–which, by the way, I’ve also found is a lot better if done in a bathtub–and went to the spare room where I had my clothes ready. I was dressed and ready to go to the store when I realized that, because it’s been a while since I’d gone through the routine I’d missed a crucial step. I’d left my keys and wallet in the bedroom. She wasn’t alone in there either: she had one of the dogs with her, and if you’ve lived with dogs you know they’re heavy sleepers but will jump up at the slightest noise, barking those barks that mean “WHAT, WHAT? IS IT WARTHOGS? IS IT TIME TO GO OUT? CAN WE HAVE BREAKFAST NOW?” I don’t know why we bother setting the alarm each night because the dogs have an internal timer and get us up every morning exactly seven minutes before it goes off because they’re ready for breakfast.
I carefully opened the bedroom door and slipped in. My wife was still asleep. So was the dog. Quietly I picked up my wallet. Then my keys, which jingled slightly. Still no movement or sound from the other side of the bedroom. I moved to the door and slipped out. I went to the store and got back before my wife even woke up.
I’ve never considered a career in burglary but it’s good to know it’s a possibility. My wife is a light sleeper and I’m a, well, I guess it sounds bad to say I’m a light creeper. Although I am worried that if I crept into someone’s house I’d take a nap in their bathtub.

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6 Comments

  1. The Huntress915

    A light creeper, huh? I’m a light sleeper myself and I’m very annoyed if anyone wakes me up, because I also have a hard time falling back asleep once someone has woken me from my slumber. My boys get annoyed because if I tell them to be quiet they complain that I can hear a cricket fart, my hearing is so good. And it’s true, crickets fart loud, and their rude, farting all over the place like no one else lives around them. As for your career as a burglar, I don’t know, you might be enamored so much by someone’s bathtub you may get caught, don’t chance it.
    The Huntress915 recently posted…Power Hungry Egos and Impostor Huntress’ Lack of Work EthicMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      If you think crickets fart loudly try warthogs. Anyway, you’re right, it’s better that I didn’t pursue a career as a burglar, and, having not gotten caught up on comments in more than a month, I’m starting to wonder if I should have pursued a career as a blogger.

      Reply
  2. M.L. James

    Chris,
    You take FOMO to a whole new level! This was a fun read! I’m one of those people who would rather sleep. Once I’m up, buggers! Mona

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It may sound weird but I envy you for being unable to go back to sleep once you’re up. Sometimes when I go back to sleep after being woken up I dream I’m awake and up doing stuff, going through my usual morning routine. And then I wake up and realize I’ve got to do all that stuff for real and that I haven’t accomplished anything.

      Reply
  3. Ann Koplow

    I think your consideration for others is dreamy, my friend.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Consideration is no small thing but I dream of being as helpful to others as you are.

      Reply

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