March Pride.

March comes in like a lion.

Specifically it comes in like the lion in the old joke who goes marching around the veldt and when he finds a giraffe he roars at it, “Who is the greatest animal in all of Africa?” And the giraffe trembles and says, “You are!” The lion nods and moves on. Then he comes upon a cheetah and roars at it, “Who is the greatest animal in all of Africa?” And the cheetah trembles and says, “You are!” The lion nods and moves on. Then he comes upon an elephant and roars at it, “Who is the greatest animal in all of Africa?” The elephant picks the lion up with his trunk, swings him around, and slams him against a tree.

The lion, dazed, picks himself up off the ground and says, “Fine, sure, whatever, you don’t have to get upset just because you don’t know the answer!”

Or maybe it’s like the one in the old joke about the two photographers taking pictures of a sleeping lion. The lion wakes up, stretches, and starts to move toward them. One of the photographers reaches down and puts on a pair of running shoes. The other one says, “You don’t think you’re going to outrun a lion, do you?” The first one says, “Forget the lion. I just need to outrun you.”

Or it’s like the one about an aquarium owner who calls in her assistant and says, “We’ve got a serious problem. We’ve got a bunch of preschoolers coming today and the dolphins have picked now to start mating. They won’t stop going at it. The only thing that acts as an anti-aphrodisiac to dolphins is the cheeping of baby seagulls. I need you to run down to the beach and get a couple.”

The assistant starts to go but the owner stops him. “Wait! There’s a problem! A lion escaped from the zoo next door. They hit it with a tranquilizer dart but it’s still out there somewhere so be careful.”

 The assistant runs down to the beach and grabs a couple of baby seagulls. On his way back he finds his path blocked by the lion. The lion is sound asleep so he steps over it very carefully. But just as he does so a policeman steps out and arrests him.

“But officer, what’s the charge?”

“Transporting young gulls across a sedate lion for immoral porpoises.”

Or it’s like the one about a priest traveling alone through the African bush. One day a lion jumped out at him and immediately put its paws together and began to pray.

“I’m saved!” shouted the priest. “It’s a miracle!”

“Shut up,” said the lion, “I’m saying grace here.”

Or it’s like the one about a couple of lions walking around Broadway. One says to the other, “Weird. There don’t seem to be a lot of people around.”

March goes out like a lamb.

There aren’t any jokes about lambs. That must be why April starts with fools.

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6 Comments

  1. The Huntress915

    Ha! I love all of these, especially the one about the Lion and the Priest! Oh and yes, the lions on Broadway, lol. Thanks for the early morning laugh Christopher, I really needed it!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I’m glad I could give you a laugh but especially early in the morning. It’s been almost two weeks now since the time change and it’s still ahrd for me to get up in the mornings.

      Reply
  2. mydangblog

    Lamb: Achoo!
    Sheep: Bless you!
    Lamb: Thank Ewe!

    That was terrible, I know. Your jokes are much better!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Oh, I think that was a pretty good one. There’s a tradition in my writing group that I close each meeting with a terrible joke and I think that’ll be a good one to close out both a meeting and the month of March.

      Reply
  3. ANN J KOPLOW

    Great post, Chris, and it’s not so weird when there aren’t people around these days. I’m always proud to be part of the pride here.
    ANN J KOPLOW recently posted…Day 2989: Happy International Women’s Day!My Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I take pride in you offering the lion’s share of comments here.

      Reply

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