Quick Takes.

Coke Heads.

This picture of several Doctor Pepper knockoffs is making the rounds of the web and is unattributed, although this particular version is pulled from BoingBoing.
Notably absent is Mr. Pibb although if you’ve tried the current version, Pibb Xtra, you know that leaving it out is an act of mercy because it is to Mr. Pibb what New Coke was to Coke, but only if New Coke had also been flavored with lemon, durian, and Borax.
New Coke was of course prompted by the devastating Cola Wars of the 1980’s, a conflict which had been brewing since the very early days when both Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola contained real cocaine and people were slipping on banana peels everywhere, prompting the very first anti-littering campaign and the slogan “Keep America Beautiful”, followed by the very first anti-loitering campaign and the slogan “Keep America Beautiful–Stay At Home”, but that’s another story.
Too often overlooked are some of the other great soft drink conflicts of the 20th Century, so here they are.
Lest we forget.

Pepsi Challenge 1975-1984

The Great Bare Knuckle Root Beer Brawl Of ’29

The Tang Altercation 1969-1973

The Nehi Conflict 1950-1954

The Great Fresca Fracas 1991

The Ascent Of Mountain Dew 1953

The Moxie Square-Off 1949-1951

Sun Drop v. RC Cola (Supreme Court Case, 1954)

The Shasta-Fanta Scrimmage 1984-1985

The Cheerwine And Big Red Ruckus (limited to Shakey’s Pizza parlors in the Midwest) 1973-1982

The Sarsaparilla Shoot-Out of Aught Seven

The Donnybrook of Shloer 1916-ongoing

Appropriately Inappropriate.

It’s Uranus Day!

You might be thinking I just pulled that out of my ass but really it was on March 13th, 1781 that Sir William Herschel first observed an undiscovered planet beyond the orbit of Saturn. Finding Uranus was not easy. Herschel had to get up before the crack of dawn and look deeply into the nooks and crannies of the night sky. At first he thought what he’d spotted was a comet because the idea of another planet all the way up there seemed ridiculous. Other astronomers who probed the sky had seen Uranus and assumed it was a star or comet. It took almost two years of analysis and scrutiny before Herschel himself acknowledged that he’d discovered Uranus. The name for the new planet was also not accepted for almost seventy years because astronomers kept laughing every time someone asked if they’d been looking at Uranus, but it’s been the butt of jokes ever since.

And what better way to celebrate this day of Uranus than with a trip to historic Uranus, Missouri? If you want to know how to get to Uranus all you have to do is take the Herschel Highway. If you don’t get that joke find an astronomer or a thirteen-year old boy to explain it to you after they stop laughing.

 

No, I’ve Never Won The Daytona 500.

These are the most common questions in response to my last name, Waldrop.

10. Are you related to that racecar driver?

9. Could you spell that?

8. So is it “trip” or “dorp”?

7. Are you related to that car dealer who used to be a racecar driver?

6. Is that Belgian or something?

5. Did you just say ‘D as in Deiter’?

4. Are you related to that 19th century German opera composer?

3. Do you know anyone else with that name?

2. Are you related to that racecar driver’s son?

1. Could you spell that again more slowly?

What It Was Was Some Kind Of Bowl.

Given recent events I thought I should offer up a revised version of an earlier post, What It Was Was Fantasy Football because I’m very environmentally conscious so I believe in recycling. In fact every year I go to the store on Superbowl Sunday when it’s really crowded and busy and say to the checkout person, “Wow, lotta people here. Is something happening today?”

Maybe one of these years someone will realize I’m making a joke, but that’s another story.

Starting Lineup

Offense

Nate Solder LT Festin

Joe Thuney LG King Meshugah

David Andrews C Dejah Thoris

Shaq Mason RG Thorin Oakenshield

Marcus Cannon RT Yog Sothoth

Julian Edelman WR Sandman

Chris Hogan WR Ningauble Of The Seven Eyes

Martellus Bennett TE Conan The Barbarian

Tom Brady QB Sir Gawain

LeGarrette Blount RB Hellboy

James Develin FB Namor Of Atlantis

Defense

Chris Long DE Balon Greyjoy

Alan Branch DT Mongo

Malcom Brown DT Xena, Warrior Princess

Trey Flowers DE Anita Blake

Elandon Roberts OLB The Red Queen

Dont’a Hightower ILB Lessa/Ramoth

Rob Ninkovich OLB Lord Voldemort

Malcolm Butler CB Atticus O’Sullivan

Patrick Chung SS Eeyore

Devin McCourty FS Rudy Ruettiger

Logan Ryan CB Number Six

Where Everybody Knew His Name.

Source: Wikipedia

Source: Wikipedia

Dylan Thomas was a regular at the Brown’s Hotel Pub in Laugharne. He was such a regular he gave the pub’s phone number as his. The anniversary of his November 9th, 1953 got me thinking about his resemblance to another bar regular and I thought how he might have greeted everyone as he came in each day.

Door opens.

Dylan: Good afternoon everyone.

Everyone: DYLAN!

Robert: How’s it going, Dylan?

Dylan: Cur is set upon cur and I am gartered with a mongrel’s dinner.

Door opens.

Dylan: Good afternoon everyone.

Everyone: DYLAN!

Robert: What are you up to, Dylan?

Dylan: Perfect proportions if I could stand eye-height with the Laugharne castle turret.

Door opens.

Dylan: Good afternoon everyone.

Everyone: DYLAN!

Robert: What’s shakin’, Dylan?

Dylan: My mortal flesh, stork-white and swollen as the tide that coaxes the cockles from their airy nest.

Door opens.

Dylan: Good afternoon everyone.

Everyone: DYLAN!

Rhys: How are you feeling, Mr. Thomas?

Dylan: Bitter.

Rhys: I’m sorry to hear that.

Dylan: No, a pint of bitter now!

Door opens.

Dylan: Good afternoon everyone.

Everyone: DYLAN!

Robert: I’ve drawn a pint for you, Dylan.

Dylan: I admire your skill with the stylus but would prefer a filled glass.

Door opens.

Dylan: Good afternoon everyone.

Everyone: DYLAN!

Robert: I have a pint ready for you Dylan.

Dylan: I shall partake then whatever it may be.

Robert: Looks like ale.

Dylan: A ray of sun breaks into this vale of tears.

Door opens.

Dylan: Good afternoon everyone.

Everyone: DYLAN!

Robert: How are we today, Dylan?

Dylan: Time, like a running grave, fans the flames of our bodily hearths.

Robert: Lager then?

No Thanks.

creditcardI got a credit card offer in the mail that said “You’ve been pre-selected!” What does that mean?
I’ve been selected before I’ve been selected? Am I now selected or do I have to apply? Have I been selected to apply? According to the fine print that’s what it means. I’ve been selected to apply but my approval isn’t guaranteed. I’ve really just been invited to apply but I may not get a credit card. The credit card company, on the other hand, gets my information, including the fact that I’m really that gullible.
So I’ve made a pre-decision to not apply for the credit card.

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