Quick Takes.


Aesop’s Fable:

A miser turned all his wealth into a single large lump of gold. He then buried it in a field. Each day he would go and dig it up and marvel at how much gold was his. A thief noticed this and followed him secretly. Then when the miser was gone the thief dug up the gold and took it.

The miser was greatly upset by this, but a farmer who had observed it all said, “Place a rock where your gold used to be and pretend that’s it. It will do you as much good.”

Discussion Questions

1. Is it always better to diversify your assets?

2. On whose property did the miser bury the gold? Was it his own or public land? Would this make a difference?

3. How should the thief declare the gold on his tax returns?

4. Was the thief a professional or a guy who just happened to notice the miser going to the same place every day? Spend some time on this question. Your teacher’s fixing a gin and tonic.

5. What kind of profession is “miser” anyway? Have you ever mised?

6. Is this story victim-blaming?

7. Like many of the fables attributed to Aesop this story has been retold in various versions for over 2500 years. How did the farmer basically manage to invent modern economics?


Summer Blockbuster.

Deleted scenes from Superman II (1980, directed by Richard Donner):

  1. EXT. DAY.

General Zod interrupts a bank robbery in progress and encourages the crooks to continue.

  1. INT. DAY.

General Zod insists that the White House Oval office be repainted a bluish-green color.

  1. EXT. DAY.

General Zod, visiting SeaWorld, takes a particular interest in the pinnipeds.

270. INT. NIGHT.

General Zod demands to be served the meat of a milk-fed calf raised in terrible conditions.

  1. INT. NIGHT.

General Zod accepts a delivery of satsumas and insists that everyone have some.

  1. INT. DAY.

General Zod acquires a dog and takes it to a training class.

  1. EXT. DAY.

General Zod conducts and outdoor group-therapy session for people with anhedonia.

306. INT. NIGHT.

General Zod orders Superman, Lois Lane, Lex Luthor, and Miss Teschmacher to perform a traditional Scottish dance.

Sailing Lore.

Red sky at night

Sailors’ delight.

Red sky at morning

Sailors take warning.

Red sky at noon

Sailors seek shelter soon.

Red sky over sea

Sailors steer to the lee.

Red sky over land

Sailors make castles of sand.

Red sky all day

Sailors say, “What the hey?”

Red sky at dusk

Sailors play “Tusk”.

Red sky over there

Sailors know it’s five o’clock somewhere.

Red sky turns green

Sailors ask, “Did you see what I just seen?”

When the sky is orange

Sailors argue about what rhymes with that.

Fruits Of My Labor.

Rough Drafts Of The Expression “How Ya Like Them Apples?”

“Not bad for strawberries, eh?

“What did you expect from figs?”

“How do I know it’s a good rambutan?”

“No, it’s jackfruit.”

“Don’t see a lot of guavas, do you?”

“Well how do you eat starfruit?”

“Have a cherimoya for a change.”

“Orange you glad I didn’t say tomato?”

“All my dates have pits.”

“I don’t think that’s physically possible with a coconut.”

“Try blowing these raspberries.”

“Mango? More like you go!”

Coke Heads.

This picture of several Doctor Pepper knockoffs is making the rounds of the web and is unattributed, although this particular version is pulled from BoingBoing.
Notably absent is Mr. Pibb although if you’ve tried the current version, Pibb Xtra, you know that leaving it out is an act of mercy because it is to Mr. Pibb what New Coke was to Coke, but only if New Coke had also been flavored with lemon, durian, and Borax.
New Coke was of course prompted by the devastating Cola Wars of the 1980’s, a conflict which had been brewing since the very early days when both Coca-Cola and Pepsi-Cola contained real cocaine and people were slipping on banana peels everywhere, prompting the very first anti-littering campaign and the slogan “Keep America Beautiful”, followed by the very first anti-loitering campaign and the slogan “Keep America Beautiful–Stay At Home”, but that’s another story.
Too often overlooked are some of the other great soft drink conflicts of the 20th Century, so here they are.
Lest we forget.

Pepsi Challenge 1975-1984

The Great Bare Knuckle Root Beer Brawl Of ’29

The Tang Altercation 1969-1973

The Nehi Conflict 1950-1954

The Great Fresca Fracas 1991

The Ascent Of Mountain Dew 1953

The Moxie Square-Off 1949-1951

Sun Drop v. RC Cola (Supreme Court Case, 1954)

The Shasta-Fanta Scrimmage 1984-1985

The Cheerwine And Big Red Ruckus (limited to Shakey’s Pizza parlors in the Midwest) 1973-1982

The Sarsaparilla Shoot-Out of Aught Seven

The Donnybrook of Shloer 1916-ongoing

%d bloggers like this: