April 19, 1996
Howdy folks. It’s Friday again, and a stormy, blustery Friday it is too. But the weather is probably different depending on where you are, so instead I’ll talk about something you find everywhere: grocery stores. Have you ever wondered who buys some of the stuff you see in grocery stores? I was in the meat section the other day looking for Pop Tarts, and I found this whole part of the meat section filled with stuff with had purple labels that said "Mature". Now, I don’t know anything about graphic design or anything like that, but if I had designed those labels, I probably would not have chosen a color that would accentuate so well the green tinge of the meat. Needless to say, I’ll leave the mature meat to the mature old men who wander the store talking to their eggs because I prefer hamburgers that have to be cooked instead of sterilized.
Oh, before I give you this week’s unrelated snippet, several of you noticed that last week went by without a single mention of Sri Lanka.
I was met in the parking lot by a couple of thugs named Romesh, and, to make a long story short, I did a special cleansing ritual in the jungle and everything’s all right now.
TOP TEN POLITICAL PICK-UP LINES
10. "I see the flat tax wouldn’t apply to you."
9. "Inflation isn’t the only thing going up around here."
8. "I’d like you to exercise my pocket veto."
7. "Could you give my voting lever a little pull?"
6. "I said I wanted to keep the governmetn out of the bedroom, but I didn’t mean this senator."
5. "Hello, my name is Sen. Bob Packwood…."
4. "…and hve you met my friend Sen. Ted Kennedy?"
3. "Would you like to import some fine foriegn salami?"
2. "Do you wanna go stuff the ballot box?"
1. "I’ve got an economic stimulus package right here in my pants…er, uh, pocket."