The 90's? They were groovy... - Freethinkers Anonymous

March 28, 1997

I used to think that the most original thing to come out of the 90’s would be nostalgia. Then I started looking back, and realizing that, so far, we’ve had a pretty original decade. (I know the decade has at least three more years to go, but people were thinking about how to define the 90’s in the late 80’s, so I’m actually a little behind.)

However, as with all decades, there are some things that should be dropped when the new one begins. Like beanbags, bellbottoms, and lace headbands from its predecessors, the 90’s can be remembered for:

Really big pants. Has anyone noticed that the same kids who laughed at their parents for wearing bellbottoms now wear pants big enough to be hot air balloons? That is, of course, if there were such a thing as DENIM hot air balloons…
Infomercials. Anyone who complains about "channel surfing" (another 90’s invention) does not realize that its only purpose is to escape from the bow-tied guy with the bad Australian accent showing his multi-permed buddy how to use the new home plumbing repair kit, available for only fourteen easy payments of $49.95!
Piercing. I’m all for expressions of individuality, but…I remember the days when, if you could "pinch more than an inch", it meant you had to lose weight. Now, if you can pinch an inch, you can pierce it too. I know a lot of ancient cultures practiced piercing, but they were also smart enough not to practice slam dancing at the same time. If you can’t figure out why piercing and slam dancing don’t go together, you probably financed the local hospital’s new wing.
Exercise machines. All right, these aren’t exactly a product of the 90’s. I used to think, though, that some of the newer machines were original–until I looked through a book about the Spanish Inquisition.

Enjoy this week’s offering.

Very Short Books

1) A Guide to Arab Democracies
2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3) Amelia Earhart’s Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4) Career Opportunities for History Majors
5) Contraception by Pope John Paul II
6) Detroit – A Travel Guide
7) Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
8) Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection of Motivational Speeches
9) Easy UNIX
10) Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
11) Everything Men Know About Women
12) French Hospitality
13) Bob Dole: The Wild Years
14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
15) Mike Tyson’s Guide to Dating Etiquette
16) Mormon Divorce Lawyers
17) One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
18) Popular Lawyers
19) Staple Your Way to Success
20) Tasty Bile Recipes
21) The Amish Phone Book