November 13, 1998
This month, scientists say, one of the most spectacular meteor showers of the year, the Leonids, will be at their most spectacular in thirty years. This means that, if you stand outside after midnight and stare at the entire sky for at least six hours, you have a pretty good chance of spotting a meteor, as opposed to other years when only really devoted watchers have a chance of seeing one. Over all, this has been a pretty good year for astronomy. At least two meteors crashed and burned in movie theaters everywhere, and even though there were no comets to help reduce Earth’s swollen population of lunatics, Saturn and Jupiter have been together in the sky for the first time in nearly twenty years. Their original breakup had something to do with a comment Jupiter made about Saturn’s rings looking a little wider, which led to Saturn saying something about Jupiter’s Great Red Spot and advances in plastic surgery. The reunion has been so successful that there are plans for a talk show. This is especially appropriate when you consider that these two planets belong to a category known as the gas giants.
Enjoy this week’s astronomically funny offerings.
BEST EXCUSES IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING IN YOUR CUBICLE
It’s okay…I’m still billing the client.
They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
This is just a 15-minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
I was working smarter, not harder.
Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.
I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.
I’m in the management-training program.
This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?
Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
The coffee machine is broken….
Someone must’ve put decaf in the wrong pot.
Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won’t wear off!
It worked well for Reagan, didn’t it?
I was crosstraining for telecommuting.
Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!
I wasn’t sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without hands.
The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.
A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FOR PIO REYES
PioReyes, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Pio works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Pio never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often Pio takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Pio is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Pio can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Pio be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 13 … for my true assessment of him.