Doctor Strangelove

October 22, 1999

This is true: a British professor at the University of Reading is linking himself together with a computer, but, unlike Stephen Hawking, he’s actually doing it voluntarily. The professor first designed and became an implant recipient for computer chips last year so that his computer, as well as computerized security systems in the university’s buildings, will recognize him. And after their next upgrade, the computers will be advanced enough to recognize that he’s completely insane. The advantage of the computer chips is that his secretary can find him no matter where he is on the university grounds. The disadvantage of the computer chips is that his secretary can find him no matter where he is on the university grounds. His next big plan is to directly hardwire his own brain to his computer.

In explaining his reasoning for this, the professor said that too many scientists believe a computer program will do exactly what it’s expected to do. (The only scientists who actually believe this are ones who aren’t using computers yet.) The professor claims that such connections will enhance human brainpower and allow us to sidestep a possible takeover by machines, rather than being blindsided by it like him. Of course, if machines do take over the world, it goes without saying that they’ll start with people who are "computer friendly" and, even more important, "compatible".

Enjoy this week’s offerings.

TODAY’S COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAM

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the Ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions – or – give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
a. Build a bridge
b. Sail the ocean
c. Lead an army
d. WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope?
a. Jewish
b. Catholic
c. Hindu
d. Polish
e. Agnostic (check only one)

5. Metric conversion – how many feet are in 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (APPROX.)

8. What are the people in America’s far north called?
a. Westerners
b. Southerners
c. Easterners
d. Northerners

9. Spell – Bush, Carter, and Clinton.

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being called George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does the rain come from?
a. Macy’s
b. 7-11
c. Canada
d. The Sky

12. Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?
a. Yes
b. No

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the national anthem for what country?