It’s Enough To Make You Sick

September 27, 2013

The differences between getting sick when you’re a kid and when you’re an adult:

Then-You spend all day watching cartoons.

Now-You fall asleep less than ten minutes into the remake of "The Italian Job".

Then-You lay on the couch thinking, "I feel sick."

Now-You lay on the couch thinking, "I need to vacuum."

Then-You hope you don’t have to go to the doctor and get a shot.

Now-You hope you don’t have to go to the doctor and fill out endless forms.

Then-Your teacher gives your homework to your sister.

Now-The boss gives the third quarter earnings report to that jackass Evenson.

Then-Your mom brings you ginger ale, saltines, and Campbell’s chicken noodle soup.

Now-There’s half a bottle of formerly sparkling mineral water and a hunk of gouda turning green in the refrigerator. You seriously think about eating a can of bean sprouts.

Then-It doesn’t matter if you get sick on the kitchen floor.

Now-You spend two hours on the bathroom floor waiting for the nausea to pass because the last thing you want to do is drag out the mop.

Then-Your friends are happy to see you when you get back.

Now-Evenson keeps asking you stupid questions but won’t admit he’s in over his head with the third quarter earnings report.

Then-You’re probably sick because of something you ate last night.

Now-You know you’re sick because of how much you drank last night.

Then-You wake up feeling sick but you spend ten minutes practicing saying, "I feel fine" because it’s your best friend’s birthday and his mom’s bringing an ice cream cake to school.

Now-You wake up feeling sick and you drink half a bottle of that pink stuff and take some ibuprofen because it’s Evenson’s last day. And you’re bringing an ice cream cake.

Then-You pretend to be sick so you can stay home.

Now-You pretend to be sick so you can get out of town ahead of the traffic.