February 28, 2014
To: The Jounal of Meta-Culture
The following ninety-nine internet list ideas have been rejected by Buzzfeed, Cracked, Listverse, Listphilia, Mental Floss, Listography, Top Tens, and Unesco. After this many rejections I thought the idea of a list of lists might be of more interest.
99. Seven surprising things you already knew.
98. Twenty-five wardrobe malfunctions (that happened to animals!)
97. Eleven tricks to try in bed while youre asleep.
96. Ten urban legends that are shockingly not true.
95. Four things you can do with peanuts that are illegal in Alabama.
94. Thirteen missing Shakespeare plays (that were never written!)
93. 3-2-1 Contact! And now The Bloodhound Gang!
92. A partridge in a pear tree and three hundred and forty-three other things no one wants for Christmas.
91. Fifteen signs youve been reading too many internet lists.
90. Twenty-six pictures of celebrities in their grandmothers underwear.
89. Thirteen foods guaranteed to make you fat.
88. Nine surprising ingredients that make brownies inedible.
87. Nineteen nine-letter Scrabble words.
86. Five tips for a successful auction. Six! Do I hear seven?
85. Three fiddlers (formerly employed by a monarch named Cole)
84. Twenty-three numbers you didnt know were prime.
83. Twelve headlines gullible people are guaranteed to click on.
82. Seven boring facts about the Hittites.
81. Two internet list ideas that have been repeated.
80. Seventeen pictures of celebrities leering suggestively at turtles.
79. Five Australian animals that can kill you just by thinking about it.
78. One billion people on Facebook. Here are their credit card numbers!
77. Fifteen minutes with Morrissey.
76. Eight unpronounceable Scandinavian cities.
75. Twelve TV producers who dont know what jumped the shark means.
74. Three to get ready.
73. Six, I mean five common math mistakes.
72. One thousand and one Arabian nights.
71. Three days of the condor.
70. Eight mile.
69. Seven jokes you didnt get as a kid that arent funny now.
68. Two-thousand and one: a space odyssey.
67. Fifty ways to leave your lover.
66. Fifty-one ways to love your lever.
65. Five guys named Moe.
64. One Mississippi.
63. Mark Twain.
62. Three Mark Twain quotes attributed to Shania Twain.
61. Six uses for a breast pump if youre not a new mom.
60. Five things we made our interns do with corrugated cardboard.
59. Two for the show.
58. Six-pack and five other Kenny Rogers crimes.
57. Two internet list ideas that have been repeated.
56. Two-thousand four-hundred and fifty-seven steps to success.
55. Four score and seven things youve never needed to know.
54. Half off, this week only.
53. Six historic battles decided by a coin toss.
52. Two for the price of one plus a dollar.
51. Three nonverbal ways to tell your coworker about his B.O..
50.-45. Five ways to shorten internet lists.
44. Seven incredibly annoying habits of effective people.
43. Four all new uses for earwigs if youre a new mom.
42. Seven shocking uses for fondue.
41. Site is taking longer than usual. Reload?
40. One for the money.
39. Third base.
38. The nineteenth hole.
37. Eight men out.
36. Eight days a week.
35. One night in Bangkok.
34. Twenty-thousand leagues under the sea.
33. The thirty-first of Cunegonde.
33. Six ways to tell if people are paying attention.
31. Seven days ending in Y.
30. Ten signs youre on the wrong bus.
29. Five random animated gifs that have nothing to do with refinancing.
28. Seven highly effective habits of homeless people.
27. Three hours to deadline and I need twenty-six more things.
26. Six things you can do with pepperoni that are illegal in Georgia.
25. 5.879 trillion miles.
24. 39.12 ways to start a fight among nerds.
23. Forty ways to avoid a mid-life crisis.
22. The other ninety-nine percent.
21. Twelve ways your pets can kill you in your sleep.
20. Four people who are spying on your houseplants.
19. Three people you always meet on the way to the bathroom.
18. Five reasons counting sheep wont help you sleep.
17. Five ways to become an insomniac.
16. Thirteen signs youre a teenager.
15. Nineteen confusing things about the 20th century.
14. Five foods that arent that weird.
13. Your lucky number!
12. Seven habits you really need to quit.
10. Six fake stories about real people.
9. Five dating sites that will give you a virus.
8. Five ridiculously misleading headlines.
7. If you liked this here are six other things you might also like.
6. Thirty-three percent more free!
5. Three more animated gifs that have nothing to do with car insurance.
4. Twenty minutes at 450 degrees.
3. Ten thousand maniacs and four other bands stuck in the 80s.
2. Four dates in history when nothing happened.
1. The one-hundred best internet lists of all time.
From: The Journal of Meta-Culture
Attn: Christopher Waldrop
Dear Mr. Waldrop,
Thank you for your submission. However this does not fit the needs or scope of our publication at this time.
Geoffrey Webst (Editor)