Losing my hair was fun. I’m not kidding. I’ve always wondered what I’d look like bald, and it was the one bright spot in chemotherapy. Now, though, it’s growing back, and I’m starting to get a little frustrated. On the one hand it’s nice to have hair again. One thing I never realized about going bald is that my head would get cold. I guess guys who’ve gone bald naturally just get used to it. I don’t have to wear anything on my head anymore except when it gets cold–and since we’re moving into spring that’s going to happen less and less.
With my hair coming back so are memories of when I was a teenager and determined to grow my hair long. My parents wouldn’t let me as long as I lived under their roof, but when I I went off to college and just stopped getting it cut. If there was a barber shop anywhere near the campus I didn’t know about it–or care.It still seemed to take an annoyingly long time for my hair to grow out. It was frustrating. I wanted to be like one of those Crissy Dolls that push hair out like toothpaste out of a tube. Sometimes I thought if I could hold my breath hard enough my hair would spool out. Eventually, though, it got long enough. People would come up behind me and address me as “ma’am”. Or guys would see me in a public restroom and do a double-take, checking the door to make sure they were in the right place. Hey guys–how many women do you see standing at a urinal?
Then I cut it short in 2009, just because I was ready for a change. Then cancer came and it was a big change. And it’s been frustrating in its own way. People told me my hair might come back gray and curly. “Cool!” I said. Maybe they thought this would upset me. I was thinking I’d look like Peter Capaldi, only shorter.
It hasn’t quite worked that way, though. My hair is coming back the way it was, more or less. It’s a little unruly, and I have no idea what it will be like when it gets back to normal length. I hope it gets there soon, but I won’t hold my breath.