“Mutton Chops” Makes It Sound Like You Should Eat Your Face.

Now that the whole beard phenomenon is dying down I suspect the next big thing will be sideburns. Only I don’t think they should be called “sideburns”. Who wants burns of any kind on their face? I think they should be called “cheekstaches”. Or “earbrows”.


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  1. Gina W.

    You know, even women have “sideburns”– it’s just an extension of our hairline. It’s the same texture as your hair, not bristly like a man’s beeard. Anyway, just the other day I had my hair up in a bun and my son started pulling on my “sideburns” (the wispy hair in front of my ears) saying, “Ewwww, gross, you need to cut this off.” I assured him that it was normal (as did my husband) but now that my son has pointed it out to me, I feel hyper-aware of my “sideburns”. Thanks my child for giving me yet ANOTHER personal characteristic to feel self-consious about! Don’t hang around small children if you have any kind of self-esteem issue.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That sounds like the number one reason to hang around small children. You learn to get over your self-esteem issues. The honesty of children can be brutal, but in really hilarious ways. I was once talking to my godson about Spongebob, and he just blurted out, “How old are you?” He caught me so flatfooted I couldn’t even think of an appropriate reply, which probably would have been something like, “About three decades too old to be watching Nicktoons. Why do you ask?”

  2. PinkNoam

    I don’t care if it catches on or not, I’m forever more going to refer to them as earbrows. That seriously cracked me up.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      My plan has worked. Soon the whole world will call them earbrows!


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