Director’s Cut.

Deleted scenes from famous movies:

A. “You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce? Seriously, help me out here. I can’t think of anything!”

B. “Frankly my dear I have to know what Mammy is cooking. It smells delicious! Do you mind if I stay for supper?”

C. “Sure, you can use my boat Sheriff Brody. Just remember that sharks are an ecological cornerstone vital to the health of the ocean and many species are dependent upon them. They’re also not as hostile as you might have been led to believe. I got to observe their predatory habits up close back in World War II. Say, have I ever told you I was on the USS Indianapolis? Interesting story. Maybe I’ll tell it when we get out on the water. Oh, that guy you’re with is a marine biologist? Guess I’m not telling him anything he doesn’t know!”

D. “Are you George Bailey? Oh. Do you know where I could find him?”

E. “Frank and I noticed HAL’s developed a bit of a glitch. We’re gonna turn him off and turn him back on again and see if that fixes the problem.”

F. “You want to follow the yellow brick road to I-70 as far as Laputa, then turn onto I-24. Oh, you want to see the Wizard? Well, that’s gonna take you out of your way, but okay…”

G. “Oh relax, honey, I’ve seen it all before. I just wanted to let you know I’ve brought you some extra towels. My son Norman the dunderhead forgot all about those. All he ever thinks about is stuffing his birds. Listen, if you need anything extra just scream.”

Bonus: Match the posters to the movies!123456007All movie posters from IMDB.

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11 Comments

  1. Chuck Baudelaire

    I don’t remember the scene when the Peanuts gang pulled off the road to stay at the Bates Motel. Gonna have to watch that again.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It’s shortly before Schroeder is forced to squeal like a pig.

      Reply
  2. TwerlaP

    I love jaws. That’s the one they should remake. I must not have paid attention in history class, because that was the first time I heard about uss Indianapolis.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Robert Shaw’s character talks about being on the Indianapolis when it was sunk. That’s the source of his hatred of sharks. To me the most interesting thing about Jaws is that Peter Benchley has since said that if he knew then what he would later learn about sharks he never would have written it. Sharks turned out to be a lot more valuable than anyone realized.

      Reply
  3. Spoken Like A True Nut

    “Maybe we should think about updating HAL to Windows ME.”

    *cue ominous music*

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Now that IS scary. I think the only thing more frightening would be Windows 8.

      Reply
      1. TwerlaP

        Wait. You didn’t download 10 yesterday??? It’s cool!

        Reply
  4. Jay

    Well done! EVery damn one of these made me laugh!…and some of them I’d like to see!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      In this day and age of sequels, prequels, equals, and remakes, unmakes, half-bakes, and mistakes it could very well happen.

      Reply
  5. Ann Koplow

    “Gregor Samsa woke up one morning to discover he’d been transformed into a giant cockroach.” Nah, it’s not as good as this post.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Wow, such a comparison to Kafka is high praise indeed. For the purposes of this post, though, I believe it’s “Gregor Samsa woke up one morning to discover he was a killer cyborg sent back into the past to save a small boy and prevent the destruction of humankind…”

      Reply

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