My recent experience made me realize how little difference there is between flying and surgery. The distinctions are subtle:
Flying-It’s recommended that you arrive at least two hours early so you have time to get through security.
Surgery-It’s recommended that you arrive at least two hours early so the receptionists have time to sit around and argue about where to have lunch.
Flying-You have to go to three different desks to check in. Your luggage will get a plastic identification band.
Surgery-You have to go to twenty-seven different desks to check in. Eventually your wrist will get a plastic identification band.
Flying-You’ll spend a lot of time sitting in uncomfortable chairs around strangers staring out the windows.
Surgery-You’ll spend a lot of time sitting in uncomfortable chairs around strangers staring at the elevators.
Flying-The waiting areas will have a large variety of overpriced junk food.
Surgery-The waiting area will have a cart with a small variety of overpriced junk food reminding you that you haven’t been allowed to eat or drink anything for more than twelve hours.
Flying-Delays are likely.
Surgery-Delays are inevitable.
Flying-The waiting area will have places where you can buy overpriced current magazines.
Surgery-The waiting area will have lots of free old magazines.
Flying-Everyone in the waiting area is getting on a plane.
Surgery-Half the people actually going into surgery brought three hundred and fifty-nine relatives to sit with them.
Flying-There are occasional garbled announcements over the intercom.
Surgery-You can’t hear the garbled announcements over the mass of relatives fighting over the free magazines.
Flying-Lots of people in the waiting area are using laptops to write email.
Surgery-Lots of people in the waiting area are using laptops to update their wills.
Flying-People come and go on motorized carts.
Surgery-People come and go in wheelchairs.
Flying-An X-ray device will scan your entire body.
Surgery-The surgeon’s going to cut your body open and have a look around inside.
Flying-You get complimentary nuts.
Surgery-You get complimentary morphine.
Flying-The plane may leave without you.
Surgery-If the surgeon starts before you get there get another surgeon.
Flying-In the event of an emergency you may have to stick a rubber mask over your face.
Surgery-As soon as you go in someone’s going to stick a rubber mask over your face.
Flying-You hope the plane doesn’t crash.
Surgery-You hope you don’t crash.