Someone At Apple Has Read Philip K. Dick.

I forget what gave me the idea–it may have been Shit That Siri Says–but I started asking my phone to tell me what certain movies were about. And I noticed a funny pattern to the responses.

starwarsterminatorThis response really intrigued me:

bladerunnerI don’t think that’s too much to ask either, and I decided to take it a step further. You probably know that Blade Runner is based on the Philip K. Dick novel Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep? So I asked.

philipkdickDisappointing, Siri, very disappointing. That was a few years ago and recently I decided to ask again. The answers were…interesting.

shelleySo someone at Apple is a fan of Shelley. I didn’t realize they were hiring first year English majors. Anyway I asked again.

gorillaMe neither, but as long as my phone isn’t dreaming of me in my birthday suit it doesn’t concern me.

spunkyThis one really upset me. I think even an artificial intelligence should have its own interests, its own life outside of me. I don’t want it to be solely about me. I can’t handle that level of responsibility.

Oh, my phone calling me Spunky The Wonder Squid doesn’t bother me. I told it to do that.

 

 

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18 Comments

  1. Margot

    I’d be interested to hear what your phone would say if you asked what “Her” was about, given its unique perspective.

    OF COURSE I knew Blade Runner is based on the Philip K. Dick novel “Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?” Everyone and their brother knows that. Pft!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Asking about “Her” is a brilliant suggestion and I couldn’t resist. Here’s the answer I got: “It’s the story of a doomed relationship between the artificial and the unartificial. These things never work out.”
      That makes me a little sad, and also should have been prefaced with “Spoiler alert!”

      Reply
  2. kdcol

    I’ll have to tell my boys to ask Siri about their favorite movies. I don’t think they knew she has this “skill.” Fun! Gerald and I have androids. I know, the horror!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      A Google search for “stuff Siri says” will turn up all kinds of funny results and things you can ask. Don’t Android phones have an assistant you can ask things too? Surely if you ask your Android if it dreams of electric sheep it’ll have a funny response.

      Reply
  3. Gina W.

    Oh man, Siri sounds a little too attached to you Christopher. Some morning you’ll wake up to find your phone next to you on your pillow. You’ll be like, “Strange. I swore I left it charging on the desk”. The next day your wife will “fall” out of bed, something she hasn’t done since childhood. Again, your iPhone will be next to you on your pillow. See the pattern? Time to think about an Android phone. This is why I never talk to Siri on my phone. There’s only room for one mentally unstable woman in our household (me).

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Fantastic. You’ve written a short Halloween story here–and scared me in the process. I’m not kidding. I’m afraid of my phone now. Although I’m still more afraid of people who walk around with their faces stuck in their phones all the time. I understand checking it occasionally but I see far too many people who have no clue where they’re going because they’re staring into a screen, probably at a map.

      Reply
  4. Pointless Boob

    I had no idea siri was so smart.

    I’ll bet she even knows the answer to the life, the universe and everything.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Hey, we all know the answer. It’s 42. But does she know the question? That’s the hard part.

      Reply
  5. Pointless Boob

    just one more question for Siri… can you ask her where the fuck i put my car keys?

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I asked and got chastised for my language. Thanks a lot. But then I did go back and ask more politely, “where did Karen put her car keys?” Her response was helpful and poignant.

      Reply
      1. Pointless Boob

        She chastised you for your language?

        Oh, I don’t think things would work out between Siri and me.

        Reply
  6. Chuck Baudelaire

    You should ask her about the one where Johnny Depp turns into an evil computer. Transcendence. I dare her to defend that one.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I asked Siri what “Transcendence” is about and she said, “Two hours.” I should have known better than to watch Marx Brothers clips on my phone.

      Reply
  7. Gilly Maddison

    I haven’t got anything remotely sensible to say as I have no idea what anyone is talking about. I’d like to blame it on my age but sadly, I’m actually just a bit thick. Ironically, I did enjoy reading this post despite my lack of understanding because deep down inside I knew it was funny. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I think we’re kindred spirits. Sometimes I find things that I don’t understand but that I know are supposed to be funny but that I just don’t understand funny. In some cases I’ve gone back to them again and again and eventually I come to understand them. Or at least I think I do.

      Reply
  8. Ann Koplow

    I dream of electric sheep, Chris. Should I ask Siri about that?

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Definitely. I’d be curious to know what Siri’s response would be. I could ask myself but I wonder if Siri’s responses vary from person to person.

      Reply
      1. Ann Koplow

        Siri did what she usually does with me. She said she’d check on the web.

        I can check on the web, Siri.

        I don’t think she’s the least bit sheepish about all this.

        Reply

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