Yesterday’s post was about a thirty-second horror film I wrote. I was thrilled to see it produced and submitted to Studio 360’s film contest judged by the late Wes Craven. What I neglected to mention is that writing thirty-second horror films is addictive. I’ve written several more. Unfortunately Studio 360 hasn’t had another contest for them, although they did have a thirty-second romantic comedy contest.
I tried writing one of those but ended up with what a thirty-second conversation between two people who’ve decided they should just be friends. It’s a direction I wish more romantic comedies would take, but that’s another story. It’s probably just as well the contest was delayed.
I keep hoping Studio 360 will run the contest again. Here’s the script for one of my other ideas.
INT. EMILY’S ROOM – NIGHT
A little girl’s room. The walls are painted light blue with fluffy clouds. A bed with a stuffed white comforter and pillows is centered against the back wall. A nightstand with a lamp and several books sits next to the bed. A unicorn poster is over the bed.
EMILY, a little girl, nine years old, enters the room. She wears a nightgown.
She approaches the bed slowly at first then runs and leaps onto it. As she does so a large pair of hairy hands shoot out from under the bed and grab for her. They just barely miss her ankles.
A pair of glowing green eyes can now be seen under the bed.
EMILY reaches under the pillow and pulls out a ballpeen hammer. She slips over the opposite side of the bed, reaches under with her free hand, and pulls out a hairy creature. It’s squat, almost a cube, with tiny legs and enormous arms. It grunts and tries to crawl back under the bed. EMILY brings the hammer down right in the middle of its head. The creature screams shrilly but EMILY doesn’t let go. She begins hammering the creature furiously until it’s silent.
She then shoves it back. She climbs into the bed, takes a book, and begins to read.
Black blood begins to seep out from under the bed forming an ever-increasing pool.
FADE TO BLACK
So she murderd a Boglin? Oh boy, is she in trouble with the Boglin King.
She’s in serious trouble. You know he’s going to kidnap her little brother who reminds him of the babe. Which babe? The babe with the power. What power? The power of voodoo. I’m trying really hard to summon up the spirit of David Bowie here.
30 seconds sounds luxurious – around here they only allow 15!
Fifteen seconds sounds about right for a romantic comedy.
In my version, I’d be spraying that hairy bastard with Windex. Of course it would be strange for the little girl to pull it out from underneath the pillow (but it would add to the strangeness). Windex is my go to formula for clean windows and killing bugs. I’m assuming that it’s effective for hairy monsters as well.
Windex is my number one weapon against wasps. I never thought of using it against a hairy monster under the bed. I just liked the idea of a child tormented by a monster having a weapon handy.
How she got the hammer under her pillow and why she didn’t just use it when she brought it with her is a question you shouldn’t ask.
A nice, literate girl smashing something into oblivion. For some reason, this reminds me of my own blog post today. Thanks for a smashing script, Chris.
There’s a saying great minds think alike. Well, I don’t know if mine is a great mind, but it is amazing that we were both thinking of smashing childhood fears and anxieties at the same time.
You go girl! Emily should be teaching self-defense classes in her spare time.
And I totally think you should do the romantic comedy…actually I would seriously pay money to read your take of a romantic comedy…I’m laughing, I’m sorry, but I just can’t resist. Although you do have a knack for writing horror.
A lot of horror films make female characters the victims so I wanted to turn that on its head. And I keep going back to the romantic comedy idea because it’s so much more challenging. That’s what I like about it. Imagine trying to establish a relationship and make it funny in the space of half a minute. It seems impossible but there are creative solutions to everything.
I have no doubt whatsoever that you’ll find the solution. Now go do it. God’s speed!
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