Let Sleeping Faces Lie.

rbfEven though Susan Harlan’s Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face made me laugh something about it still bothered me. And then I realized it’s that term and I remembered that one of my favorite things about going to dog shows is hearing little old ladies say, “Look at that bitch go” and “Who does that bitch think she is?” but that’s another story.

And I felt like the list was still putting the responsibility in the wrong place. Maybe that was the point and I not only missed the joke and am unnecessarily white knighting here–it wouldn’t be the first time. I’m still trying to figure out why guys think it’s appropriate to ask women to smile and I’m amazed by the catalog of creepiness at Endearingly Wacko (part 1 and part 2)  I’d like to offer up some alternatives to the alternatives.

I’m Projecting My Feelings Onto You Brain

You’re Out Of My League So I’m Going To Insult You Brain

I Have No Self-Awareness Brain

I Expect Something In Return For Behaving Like A Decent Human Being Brain

I’m Unaware Of This Male Privilege You Speak Of Brain

I Really Believe Women’s Experiences Are Just Like Men’s Brain

I Don’t Get Why You Aren’t Flattered By Attention From Strangers Brain

I’ll Decide Whether I’m Your Type Brain

I Was Raised By Coyotes Brain

I’ve Mistaken You For Someone Who Gives A Shit Brain



Facebook Comments


  1. Kristine @MumRevised

    Your video didn’t work so I assume you broke the internet. Good job!
    I was raised by coyotes is my favourite. I will use that as a witty retort next time I am catcalled. THX

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Darn. “Makin’ Friends” by Bishop Allen is such a catchy tune I’m sorry you weren’t able to enjoy it.
      And I worry that I’ve unnecessarily insulted coyotes by putting some blame on them for creepy guy behavior. Coyotes serve a valuable purpose. They keep those pesky roadrunners in line.

  2. Gina W.

    Thanks for the shout out Christopher! The sad thing is that I still have women telling me that they have more stories to share so sometime in the future I’ll probably have a part three (or four) of creepy guy stories.

    Above, my favorite is “I Don’t Get Why You Aren’t Flattered By Attention From Strangers”. I would add, “And Touched Inappropriately” as well. I may have some blog-worthy memories to share on that unsavory topic someday. *shudders*

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      The shout out was kind of self-serving since I made a contribution to your collection, and I thank you for that.
      It’s also scary that I have quite a few creepy guy stories of my own, although it’s very different to offer the stories as a witness rather than the object of the creepiness.

  3. Margot

    I’d be interested to hear your creepy guy stories from a male perspective sometime.

    I love your list. The ones that bother me the most are: I Expect Something In Return For Behaving Like A Decent Human Being Brain &
    I’ll Decide Whether I’m Your Type Brain. They both seem like precursors to date rape situations to me. At least that’s what it seemed like the guys who have attempted it on me and failed were thinking.

    I liked Susan Harlan’s piece too, but I think you’re really on to something when you say the responsibility was put in the wrong place.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Most of the creepy guy behavior I’ve seen has been guys I’ve known, like my friend who would loudly say “Boing!” when a woman he found attractive came into the room. And a couple of times I sarcastically said to him, “If you’re trying to make her uncomfortable I’m pretty sure you’ve succeeded. Good job!”
      Creepiest guy ever: a complete stranger who danced inappropriately close to several of my female friends at a club. He then proceeded to whisper “I love you” in their ears. And when that didn’t work he invited me to join him in a bathroom stall.

  4. Ann Koplow

    My face and brain both appreciate this post and the links, Chris. I am reminded of two first dates from my past:

    1. A friend of a friend saying angrily to me, “Why do you have to be so fucking supportive?”
    2. A guy from match.com sending me an email after I told him I didn’t think we were a good match explaining why I wasn’t good looking enough to reject him.

    In both cases, I’m sure I had very interesting looks on my face.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      While the second one is, sadly, all too common, I would have loved to see the look on your face when a friend of a friend asked why you had to be so fucking supportive. That’s easily one of the most unusual insults I’ve ever heard.


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