Best Is Good Enough.

colaThe best damn cherry cola I ever had was not that much better than the worst damn cherry cola I ever had, and both weren’t that different from the cherry cola that was fair to middlin’, an expression that I have to admit I’ve never understood because I always thought fair was middlin’, but I guess it was invented by someone who thought it was important to make a distinction between average and just below average, but that’s another story. And blindfolded I don’t think I could make a distinction between the factory brand cherry cola and the artisanal cherry cola that was made with hand-picked Namibian kola nuts, springwater-washed Rainer cherries, and sugar hyphenated with something, but somebody had to make both. It’s the only way to keep the economy viable. We live in a consumption-driven world and the only way to maintain market growth is to keep offering something new. Variety is the name of the game, not monopoly. Monopoly’s object is to so thoroughly destroy the competition that no one can buy anything, wiping out the economy and causing even money itself to lose all value. Even then though it’s still better to carry cash because in the post-economic apocalypse you can burn those little slips of paper to keep the zombie hordes away from your hotel on Boardwalk.

I’ve often said, and more often thought, that we need to be aware of the world around us, that we need to be open to experience and try new things, and it’s a good philosophy but it’s also one that can be easily exploited by those who are just trying to sell us a bunch of hooey. Admittedly expensive hooey is preferable to free hooey and on most days I find that inexpensive hooey can get me by, but it can be overwhelming. Sometimes I want to shut off all the noise, to escape, to not worry about what I’m being sold, to stop being a consumer and just be, and to that end I’m looking into how much it costs to rent a sensory deprivation tank.

The lesson here is that some of the best things in life are free and some of the best things in life are expensive and some of the best things in life are just fair to middlin’.


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  1. Ann Koplow

    It’s never fair to middlin’ here, Chris. You’re the best. No hooey.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Your comments are never hooey, but I do always enjoy telling people that I won’t sell them a load of hooey. I’m giving it away.

  2. Kristine @MumRevised

    Cherry cola is awful no matter the brand, quality of ‘Namibian kola nuts’ or the natural spring water/tap water used.
    Mister recently went to a smoked meat deli in Montreal and all they served was cherry coke. He is like me, not in the love camp. He took one anyway because they said it was like cheese to wine. God Damn if they weren’t right. So next time, try it with smoked meat. It cancels the real taste and makes in fair to middlin’.

    1. Jay

      I had no idea, and I’m shocked. And also desperate to try it, even though neither of those items have to this time been my favourites. But clearly I’ve been doing it ALL WRONG!

      I also think when it comes to the real difference in cherry colas and their ilk, it’s the packaging and c’est tout.

    2. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Cherry cola, for me, is one of those things that always sounds good in principle but the practice leaves something to be desired. I like cherries and I like the sweet and slightly tart and tangy flavoring that’s generally marketed as “cherry”, and while I don’t go out of my way for cola it’s not a flavor I mind, but when the twain meet it’s never as good as I think it should be.
      So trying it with smoked meat is an excellent tip, although I’m assuming I should specify the meat. I love smoked oysters but they already have a sweet flavor and I think adding cherry cola would be overkill.

  3. michelle

    I just want to say ‘hooey’ in all of my sentences now. Ooooohhh…or be like Hodor, but instead I could be Hooey.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      If you were Hooey you could join Hodor and Groot in one of their epic rap battles.

  4. Spoken Like A True Nut

    Funnily enough I did actually spend some time in a sensory deprivation tank recently, and it was a fantastically hooey-free experience.

    Well, apart from the initial bit when you first walk in and remember that you’re essentially paying someone money so they’ll leave you alone for an hour and half, at least. That bit felt suspiciously reminiscent of hooey, but luckily the feeling rinsed off fairly easily in my pre-float shower.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It does seem like being in a sensory deprivation tank would be an ideal way to escape the hooey. It’s just a fact of life that sometimes you can’t escape without letting some money escape from your wallet first.


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