There’s a story here. Really, I know there’s a story here somewhere if I could just find it. I’m almost certain I left the house with it this morning. I don’t remember taking it anywhere else where I might have left it although I’ve been carrying it around for a while. But I know I had it last night and, like I said, I’m pretty positive I had it with me this morning. Fairly sure at the very least. I’m convinced enough that I’d give myself pretty good odds if someone were to bet me that I had it.
I could start asking around but then I’d have to deal with some annoying and ridiculous questions and suggestions like:
Have you tried retracing your steps?
Yes, half a dozen times now. I even tried a couple of alternate routes because, you know, I don’t always go the same way every morning and while I believe I remember the way I came I wouldn’t absolutely swear that I didn’t take another path. I wasn’t fully awake and it was kind of foggy out which distracted me a little bit.
Where was the last place you had it?
If I knew that I’d know where to start looking jackass.
Is it in the place where you usually keep it?
I already told you I’ve been carrying it around with me. What do you think? That it’s somewhere on my body and I don’t realize it? Hey, that might actually work. Let me check. Nope, not anywhere here. I even did that trick where I hold up a mirror to a mirror and, wait, is that really what my head looks like from the back? Weird.
Have you tried hypnosis?
Does that even really work? Let’s just say that it did. Where am I going to find a hypnotist?
Remember: you always find something in the last place you look.
Oh, thanks a lot, this from the same jackass who asked “Where was the last place you had it?”
What does it look like?
Now that’s a good question. For starters it’s chock full of metaphors. Or similes. I always get those mixed up. I had an English teacher who told us we could always remember similes because they make things similar to each other. I asked how we could remember metaphors and she didn’t have an answer for that. The kid next to me said “Well, they’re meta for…” and then he mumbled that he’d get back to me with the rest of it. He never did. Who knows what “meta” is anyway? Maybe he was thinking about synecdoches.
What else can I say about what it looks like? It’s got a surprising twist near the end. That should help. I mean it’s pretty distinctive because it’s not something you’d see coming. It’s gripping, compelling, and impossible to turn away from which should make it really obvious because there should be a bunch of people gathered around staring at it, at least if I dropped it somewhere really public. If it’s in the bushes or something then I’m done for.
I could also say it’s about yay high, but who knows how high a yay is?
It’s got a strong, character-driven plot and an overarching theme. That should help. Really it should. I was using the theme as a handle.
That reminds me. I think I stopped somewhere to tie my shoe. I must have set it down when I did that but I don’t remember where I stopped. I’ve got these new shoes and I need to get some different laces for them because, really, I can’t walk ten feet without one of them getting untied.
The specific genre might help too but I’m kind of lost there because it’s really a stream of consciousness narrative based on an urban legend that was actually derived from a work of historical fiction. I think there was also some romance and a bit of mystery and since it was pretty recent it had to have something about vampires.
Also it’s covered in gravy.