Kate: Hello, and welcome back to Cauldron Cooking, the show that puts the magic back in your kitchen. I’m your host Kate. Earlier in the show we talked about new uses for poison ivy, and I also want to tell listeners who are just tuning in that our recipe for cream of vulture soup is on the show’s website. Check it out.
All right, now it’s time to take some calls. We have Diane from Salem on line seven. Hi, Diane, what’s your question?
Diane: Hi Kate, thank you so much for taking my call. This isn’t exactly a cooking question but I have an issue with my stepdaughter and I wondered if you could suggest anything.
Kate: Oh, yes, kids. They’re always hard to deal with, aren’t they? Especially when they grow up.
Diane: Right. That’s my problem. She’s getting older and she’s starting to really get in my way.
Kate: But you don’t want to kill her.
Diane: Well, I did, but not anymore. I’d just like something that’ll, you know, take her out of the picture.
Kate: Let me think. Okay, I have just the thing for you. We have a great recipe for a poison apple.
Diane: That won’t kill her?
Kate: No, this is perfect. It will just put her in a coma. Have you got a crypt or something where you can put her while she sleeps?
Diane: I’ve got a crystal case that rests on a plinth out in the woods.
Kate: Fabulous. She’ll be perfectly preserved there for as long as you want, and here’s the good part: she can only be revived with a kiss from a charming prince. And it’s not like there are a lot of those wandering around the forests, am I right?
Diane: Yes. That sounds absolutely perfect. Thank you so much Kate!
Kate: No problem, and good luck. Email us some pictures so we can see how it’s worked out. We’ll put them on the website. Thanks for your call, Diane.
Well, it looks like the witching hour is almost up, so I’ll just leave you with this: When shall we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Of course you know it’ll be the same time next week. I’ll see you then.
‘It’s not like there’s a lot of those wandering around the forests, am I right?’ – lol!
I love this sort of thing, I’ll always remember back in high school we ‘rebooted’ Romeo and Juliet with Romeo swearing because his tights kept getting caught in the vine on Jules’ windowsill, and then falling off and busting his leg. I like the ‘different take’ on old stories, I know there’s a few books out there who do that really well (NOT Pride & Prejudice & Zombies however) but I can’t think of any right this second.
Though Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell had a Jane Austen/Brothers Grimm crossover feel? Yours is more like a Brothers Grimm/modern podcast kind of thing. Any thoughts on writing more?
Oh, and just fyi, Anne from Avebury needs to butt out. 🙂
That reboot of Romeo & Juliet sounds brilliant. And more realistic than the original. I love that sort of thing too. It’s funny you ask if I have thoughts on writing any more because actually this is the third time I’ve done something with Snow White.
Here are the previous two:
Oh yeah, and Anne was leftover from a previous show. She’s now been edited out. Thanks for spotting that!
Bwahaha! Delicious recipes and life coach advice from the witches 3. This would be fun programming to listen to on my local station!
I’m really pushing for my local station to pick it up too. And any resemblance to the radio show The Splendid Table is purely coincidental.
Thanks for taking my call, Chris. I enjoyed this witchy post.
Your calls are always appreciated. I’m glad I could put a spell on you.
Ahahah I just love your beautiful, dark thought processes.
Aw shucks, now you’ve got me blushing. And stick around. It’s early in the month yet. I promise October is gonna get a whole lot darker.
How very modern. You could rewrite the entire collection of children’s fairy tales like this. I think I prefer this short, sharp darkly comic version of the long drawn out Disney ‘happy ever after’ one. What would you do with Cinderella I wonder? (The story, not the woman.)
Funny you should say that because I’ve long been in the habit of rewriting fairy tales–you might remember my take on Goldilocks–although Cinderella is one I have yet to tackle. Maybe I should try to improve on Jerry Lewis’s “Cinderfella”, which shouldn’t be hard.