All swimmers must be appropriately attired to use the pool and pool area.
All swimmers under the age of fourteen must first pass a swim test.
All swimmers under the age of five must be accompanied by an adult at all times.
Individuals with open cuts, sores, communicable diseases, or who are Kevin may not use the pool.
No glassware is allowed in the pool or pool area, including tumblers, highball glasses, shot glasses, vases, light bulbs, chandeliers, punch bowls, stemless wine glasses, windshields, Chihuly sculptures, champagne flutes, cake cloches, water coolers, butter dishes, marbles, condiment trays, pitchers, carafes, beakers, decanters, flasks, jars, urns, flagons, cruets, ewers, growlers, or amphorae.
No food or beverages are allowed in the pool.
No chewing gum in the pool area unless you brought enough for everyone.
No alcoholic beverages are allowed in the pool or pool area unless you brought enough for the lifeguard.
No spitting, nose blowing, or bodily fluids in the pool, and, hey, get out of here, Kevin.
No running in the pool area. If you can do it in the pool, hey, go for it.
No horseplay, including Equus, Ben Hur, or the Erik Satie ballet Parade.
In the event of severe weather the pool will be closed.
In the event of a fire calmly and quietly exit the area. Do not stand around and say, “Hey, how did a fire break out in the pool?”
If any object ball is jumped off the table, it is a foul and loss of turn, unless it is the 8-ball, which is a loss of game. Any jumped object balls are spotted in numerical order.
No person shall throw any item into the pool or pool area that could endanger the safety of any person. Items include weapons, chairs, other furniture, cans, Jarts, refrigerators, scissors, hazardous chemicals, angry housecats, housecats who are not angry but will be when they’ve been thrown into the pool, car tires, cars, suspension bridges, cider, very small rocks, churches, lead, ducks, black holes, needles, shoes, live electrical wires, half-eaten tuna fish sandwiches, bulldozers, and Kevin.
Except during specified times fishing with dynamite is not allowed.
A first aid kit is located somewhere around here.
Drowning is strictly prohibited.