The other day I was browsing a local market. Well, actually I was looking for something specific but I completely forgot what it was I was supposed to get because I turned a corner and there was this:
And I said, no, no, no. That is wrong. That is wrong on so many levels. Specifically it’s wrong on three levels. Or five in some years, and really it should be five all the time, but the powers that be, or rather the powers that produce, only occasionally release two of their charges.
If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, and if you don’t know, don’t worry, because most of the time I don’t know what I’m talking about either, I turned another corner and there they were.
Yes, it’s that time of year again: time for Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo Berry to make a welcome return appearance. Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy remain in the vault for at least another year, which is sad because they could tie in nicely with The Addams Family too. And it bugs me that you have to download the pumpkin carving stencils, but not nearly as much as the fact that the clock on the back of the boxes goes to thirteen but skips from one to three. Why, cereal box artist, could you not have a clock with thirteen hours?
The Monster Cereals are the only ones that deserve to be called spooky because a Monster Cereal commercial gave me nightmares when I was a kid and, let’s face it, no matter how you dress ‘em up Froot Loops are never going to be spooky. You could pour live maggots over your Froot Loops and it wouldn’t make them spooky, although it would make them taste better and be a great way to add protein to your breakfast, but that’s another story. And if Tony The Tiger got anywhere near The Addams Family he’d be skinned alive and turned into a rug. And I have no idea what’s going on with Apple Jacks, a cereal whose mascots appear to be a walking stick insect and a shrunken head. Okay, that is a little bit spooky.