There Can Be Only Three! Or Five.

The other day I was browsing a local market. Well, actually I was looking for something specific but I completely forgot what it was I was supposed to get because I turned a corner and there was this:

And I said, no, no, no. That is wrong. That is wrong on so many levels. Specifically it’s wrong on three levels. Or five in some years, and really it should be five all the time, but the powers that be, or rather the powers that produce, only occasionally release two of their charges.

If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, and if you don’t know, don’t worry, because most of the time I don’t know what I’m talking about either, I turned another corner and there they were.

Yes, it’s that time of year again: time for Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo Berry to make a welcome return appearance. Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy remain in the vault for at least another year, which is sad because they could tie in nicely with The Addams Family too. And it bugs me that you have to download the pumpkin carving stencils, but not nearly as much as the fact that the clock on the back of the boxes goes to thirteen but skips from one to three. Why, cereal box artist, could you not have a clock with thirteen hours?

The Monster Cereals are the only ones that deserve to be called spooky because a Monster Cereal commercial gave me nightmares when I was a kid and, let’s face it, no matter how you dress ‘em up Froot Loops are never going to be spooky. You could pour live maggots over your Froot Loops and it wouldn’t make them spooky, although it would make them taste better and be a great way to add protein to your breakfast, but that’s another story. And if Tony The Tiger got anywhere near The Addams Family he’d be skinned alive and turned into a rug. And I have no idea what’s going on with Apple Jacks, a cereal whose mascots appear to be a walking stick insect and a shrunken head. Okay, that is a little bit spooky.

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18 Comments

  1. The Huntress915

    I completely agree with you, you can’t make frosted flakes, fruit loops or any other cereal scary. And as for someone that isn’t really into flavored cereal (I’m a frosted flakes or rice crispy’s type girl). Boo Berry was my favorite seasonal cereal, and it’s probably harder to find than Count Chocula or Frankenberry around these parts.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Most of the year I stick to granola or something low sugar, but once a year I have one box of Boo Berry so my wife can ask, “How old are you?” And they only release them once a year and I’ve never seen them in the regular grocery stores, just the big box stores. But they’re all sold together so if you can find one you can find the others.

      Reply
  2. Arionis

    I remember when you could get them all year round, not just seasonal.
    Arionis recently posted…It’s like 1920 all up in here.My Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I remember that too! I think it was in the summer that a monster cereal commercial gave me nightmares. I was such a weird kid. Sugar Smacks was my regular breakfast, though, until my mother put me on a low sugar diet.

      Reply
  3. Jay

    These cereal commercials gave me nightmares for another reason – we saw them on our Saturday morning cartoons, but they were never available in Canadian grocery stores, so it was a merciless tease.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      That’s just terrible that they teased you with Monster cereal commercials when you couldn’t get them. We could get the best of Canada–maple syrup, bacon, Eugene Levy–down here in the States. We should have been willing to let Boo Berry cross the border.

      Reply
  4. Allison

    When I was a kid, I longed for sugary cereal – we would get Honey Nut Cheerios, and maybe a variety Kellogg mini-box pack for vacation.

    When I went off to college, they had huge BINS of every cereal you could think of. That was my Girl Gone Wild moment.

    I’m a Golden Grahams or Cap’n Crunch lover. But Frankenberry is rather tasty.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      My mother put me on a low-sugar diet when I was a kid and I started longing for any sugar at all in my cereal–she gave me the big shredded wheat. Those mini-box packs were a great treat on camping trips and vacations.
      And I’m always torn between Boo Berry and Frankenberry. Not that I have anything against Count Chocula but I can get some kind of chocolate cereal all year.

      Reply
  5. mydangblog

    My mother refused to buy us any sugary cereals so as an adult, I eat Corn Pops every day, just because I can😁
    mydangblog recently posted…My Week 264: Sew What?My Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It’s funny that so often what we’re denied as children becomes what we indulge in as adults. My mother wouldn’t let me have sugary cereals either but gave me sugar-free shredded wheat or, as I know it now, steel wool for the colon.

      Reply
  6. Ann Koplow

    It’s frightening how many of those Monster Cereal commercials I watched trying to figure out which one scared you, Chris. That can’t have been good for me.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      The commercial with an unseen three-eyed monster who says, “Me three”, scaring away the other monsters, appeared in my nightmares for some strange reason. That trip down memory lane was probably healthier than the cereals themselves.

      Reply
  7. Tom

    “Froot Loops are never going to be spooky.” 🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      On one camping trip a group of kids in my Scout Troop gave ourselves cereal nicknames. We had Chex and Corn Pops and Frosted Flakes. As you can probably guess I was Froot Loops.

      Reply
  8. Kristine Laco

    Oh for a time when sweet was a selling feature.
    Kristine Laco recently posted…A Frightening Scene in Time for HalloweenMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Before my mother switched me to a low-sugar diet I started each day with a big bowl of Sugar Smacks, the cereal with a frog for a mascot, because amphibians are always appetizing. Later they’d change the name to Honey Smacks because sugar was getting a bad rap. Now it just all seems to be terrible.

      Reply
  9. Anonymous

    WOW! Talk about Spooktacular Cereals. Ha ha. Count Chokula looks like a real treat. You’d love the Cereal Killer Cafe in London. Lol 🙂

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Count Chocula is pretty tasty, but I figure I can get chocolate-flavored cereal any time of year. Boo Berry only comes along in October. And the Cereal Killer Cafe looks like a fun place.

      Reply

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