The funny thing about awards is I never get tired of them. Recently I was nominated by Tom of Tom Being Tom–although I sometimes suspect Tom of being someone else, but then when I look closer he just turns out to be Tom but wearing a Thanos mask for some reason, but that’s another story–nominated me for the Blogger Recognition Award. And I’d like to thank him for the award. In fact I’d like to thank him so much I’ll just say, thank you, Tom. It’s nice to be recognized. It reassures me I’m still recognizable even after the surgery. I’d also like to thank all the little people including, but not limited to Merry, Pippin, and tardigrades.
One of the requested responses when one is the recipient of a Blogger Recognition Award is to provide an origin story. Well, mine is so common as to be almost cliche, but I’ll offer it anyway.
It was in Poughkeepsie in August, 1920–I forget the exact date, but I was leading the field in a goldfish-swallowing contest. I was so far ahead, in fact, that more goldfish were needed, so a batch that had been bred in a Revigator was provided. Having been thoroughly irradiated these goldfish had developed mutant powers which they passed on to me.
Another requirement is that I’m supposed to offer two pieces of advice, but, really, once I’ve told you that if you ever want to bury a body in a shallow grave you should use quicklime, what else do you need to know?
Here’s some advice: take wooden nickels. I know the expression used to be “don’t take any wooden nickels” but when was the last time someone offered you a wooden nickel? The last time I was offered a wooden nickel was in Poughkeepsie in 1920–in fact a bag full of wooden nickels was the grand prize in a goldfish swallowing contest, and now they’re antiques and worth about a dollar each, which just goes to show you.
I seem to have splintered off from the main topic, so let me close with a bonus word of advice: don’t hem your skirt with chewing gum in the summer.
The final step in this process is that I’m supposed to nominate other bloggers, and at least for this award, unlike some others, there’s no maximum, which is great because I feel there are so many bloggers that are deserving of recognition, but at the same time I never want anyone to feel obligated to respond in kind. Some may even respond in unkind if they felt obligated, and I’d rather go around handing out wooden nickels. So I’ll just conclude by saying that you should feel recognized if you’re so inclined, and don’t if you’d rather not, and always go out on a song if that’s your style, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.
Sorry about the conclusion. It’s still a work in progress.