Know What You Need To Know.

Before your next doctor’s visit we would like you to take the following steps or be prepared for some new measures:

Please have a mask and wear it when you come to the doctor’s office.

If you have prescriptions please call ahead to make sure they’re refilled before your visit.

We have hand sanitizer available and ask that you please use it regularly, including

when you enter and exit the building.

Please use the automatic doors when entering and exiting the building.

Wear gloves or use your elbow when pressing elevator buttons.

Your temperature will be taken upon entering the building with a no touch thermometer.

Maintain a safe social distance of at least six feet or, in Montana, two shovelnose sturgeon.

If your doctor’s office is in Montana shovelnose sturgeon will be provided.

Please let staff know or consider rescheduling if you have experienced any of the following recently: coughing, fever, excessive sweating, shortness of breath, fatigue, loss of taste or smell,  an irrational fear of cotton balls.

Arrows have been placed on the floor to show walking directions. Please follow the arrows as they are there to help maintain social distance.

The shovelnose sturgeon are stuffed and lacquered. Please do not try to eat them.

Your privacy is very important to us. When it’s time for your appointment please don’t make the receptionist yell your first and last name more than twice.

You will have exactly one hour to solve all the puzzles and escape from The Mystery Mansion Vault. You can ask your guide, Jeff, for up to three free clues. Additional clues, however, will cost your team time and your chance at a free t-shirt.

If you feel feverish in the hallway between rooms C3 and C5 it may not be a fever. It may be the 6000 degree lava pit in the middle of the hallway.

Please follow the arrows around the lava pit. This will help you maintain proper social distance.

Personal items thrown into the lava pit cannot be retrieved by staff.

Tenemos que mover estos refrigeradores, tenemos que mover estos televisores a color.

Watch out for that bald guy wandering around with his mask on top of his head like a weird toupee. This isn’t an item of concern but, really, what is his deal?

We don’t need to tell you to maintain proper social distance from the guy wearing his mask on top of his head. You can figure that one out for yourself.

We are aware there are teeth marks on the shovelnose sturgeon.

If your doctor attempts to shake hands with you run away.

Telemedicine options are available.

Facebook Comments


  1. M.L. James

    I must have an irrational fear of cotton balls. I’m certain that’s what made my blood pressure go up in the doctor’s office this morning. Also, I don’t know what a shovelnose sturgeon is but I’m pretty sure we don’t have them in Texas. I think this is a good enough reason to remain here despite the heat. Stay well and stay away from shovelnose sturgeon. Unless they’re delicious to eat. Anything named shovelnose does not sound delicious though. So, yeah, I guess it’s your call! Have a great weekend! Mona

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      It turns out you may not have the shovelnose sturgeon, which is a freshwater fish, in Texas, but y’all do have saltwater gulf sturgeons which I think get big enough for you to use them for social distancing guides. I think they’re also delicious, at least if you like caviar.
      Stay away from those cotton balls!

  2. The Huntress915

    I’m with ML, I’m not sure what a shovelnose sturgeon is but, I’m okay with staying two hundred mosquitoes away from someone else. That’s all we have here now, tons and tons of those little blood suckers. Anyway, just so you know, in Texas. lava pit heat is the norm right now. With temperatures hitting 102 the last week or so, it’s been horrible. But thank you for the laugh this morning. 😉

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      You know the saying is it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity–and it’s true; I’ve been in the desert when it was a hundred degrees and zero humidity and didn’t feel that bad–but now I think it’s not the heat or the humidity. It’s the mosquitoes.

  3. mydangblog

    I’m at the eye doctor right now reading this and I’m so sad that they don’t have a Mystery Mansion Vault!
    mydangblog recently posted…Creative Wednesdays – LobsterMy Profile

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Every doctor’s office should have a Mystery Mansion Vault, although as Elizabeth Bishop said every waiting room can be an interesting experience.

  4. theorangutanlibrarian

    hahaha love this post!! Great advice 😉

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      The one thing I try to do here is give out good advice, with fruit on the bottom.

  5. Ann Koplow

    Thanks for always giving us what we need to know, Chris, including the guy wearing his mask on the top of his head.

    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I briefly thought the guy with the mask on top of his head knew something we didn’t, but I think we can be assured he doesn’t.


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