And All The Devils Are Here.

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Question: I have an issue or problem. How should I contact you?

Answer: Refer to our helpful FAQ.

 

Question: My issue or problem isn’t addressed in the FAQ. Where’s the contact information?

Answer: We’ve anticipated every possible question and have provided an answer. No matter what the issue is you’ll find it somewhere in our helpful FAQ.

 

Question: Uh, no, it’s not in there. Is there a person I could contact?

Answer: Please submit any questions you have that aren’t addressed in our helpful FAQ and our staff will answer them and add them to the FAQ.

 

Question: So how do I submit a question?

Answer: Since all possible questions have been answered in our helpful FAQ we’ve shut down the submission form.

 

Question: So there’s no way for me to contact anybody?

Answer: We’ve made customer service convenient and cost-effective by replacing all people with our helpful FAQ.

 

Question: You’re telling me there’s no way to get an answer then.

Answer: This doesn’t appear to be a question but we’re including it in our helpful FAQ anyway.

 

Question: Why are you doing this?

Answer: As previously stated our goal is to make customer service as convenient and cost-effective as possible.

 

Question: Will the cost-savings be passed on to customers?

Answer: <code><insert/laughing-so-hard-we’re-crying-emoji></code>

 

Question: How do I cancel my service then?

Answer: Cancellations can be handled by our customer service department.

 

Question: Didn’t you say you eliminated your customer service?

Answer: Correct! In the interests of efficiency and cost-savings we fired our entire customer service team and replaced them with this helpful FAQ.

 

Question: [REDACTED]

Answer: While we ask that you refrain from using profanity in the FAQ we appreciate that it was used as part of a question.

 

If there is anything else we may assist you with please feel free to refer to this helpful and informative FAQ, and thank you for your business.

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4 Comments

  1. The Huntress915

    OMG! This sounds like those chat dudes/people/chicks that pop up every time I go online to order office supplies. I began using it once and I never really got an answer. All I asked for was for purple highlighters and it all went down hill from there.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Somehow I’m not surprised that there are automatic chat bots that sound exactly like this. It’s based on stuff I’ve really dealt with trying to find corporate contact information when I couldn’t get an answer from various companies. It really seems like some have fired all their customer service people, or at least buried the contact information so deeply no one can find it.

      Reply
  2. ANN J KOPLOW

    I’ve never found an answer I’ve needed in a FAQ, so I have to assume that my mind forms only Seldomly Asked Questions. I couldn’t ask for a better blog than yours, Chris.
    ANN J KOPLOW recently posted…Day 3009: Incredible life momentsMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Every place should have a Seldomly Asked Questions section. And really my favorite part of working for a library is answering questions. I even have a t-shirt my wife gave me that sums it up nicely: “Google can find you 1,000,000,000 answers. A librarian can find you the right one.”

      Reply

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