Not In Theaters.

It’s been a while since I was last in a movie theater and I’m not quite ready to go back to one just yet even though I’d really like to. It seems hard to justify going to a theater when I have an overabundance of movies (not to mention TV shows, documentaries, and, oh yeah, I’ve got a few books too) but I love the experience of going to the theater and sitting in the dark with strangers. There’s the smell of popcorn, having my ticket torn, the process of finding just the right seat. Things happen in movie theaters that could never happen at home, like the time I went to see Pulp Fiction and a couple behind me got into an argument about whether they’d seen Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta together on TV and it was so weird I thought it might actually be part of the movie. Or there was the time I went to see the 2011 film The Thing, which was a prequel to the 1982 film The Thing, which was described as a remake of the 1951 film The Thing From Another World but was actually closer to the source material, the 1938 novella Who Goes There? written by John W. Campbell. Anyway the 2011 film ends with an exact recreation of the opening of the 1982 film and as the credits rolled and Ennio Morricone’s haunting score played all of us in the theater—all seven of us, since it was a box office dud—gathered in front of the screen and had an impromptu film discussion.

And when a friend started sending me terrible parody film posters from a Twitter account devoted solely to the worst of the worst it just made me want to go to a theater even more. Even the worst real movie couldn’t be as bad as any of these, right?  

Source: @AWFULfanPOSTERS

Source: @AWFULfanPOSTERS

Source: @AWFULfanPOSTERS

Source: @AWFULfanPOSTERS

Especially terrifying are the sequels that seem like they really could be made.

Source: @AWFULfanPOSTERS

And, you know, there are some I would actually like to see. Seriously. Sometimes what starts off as parody crosses over into something potentially good.

Source: @AWFULfanPOSTERS

And speaking of movies that should be real I think we can all agree that the only thing wrong with this reimagining of Calvin And Hobbes is that it isn’t a real full-length movie playing in theaters everywhere.

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7 Comments

  1. ANN J KOPLOW

    I did see “In the Heights” a few weeks ago in a real movie theater but I was very distracted. I feel ready for my second one, so I’ll see you at the Calvin and Hobbes Matinee this weekend, Chris.
    ANN J KOPLOW recently posted…Day 3106: HugsMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      “In The Heights” is definitely a film that deserves to be seen on the big screen and I think I’m about ready to go just to see it. Someone told me that they were able to rent an entire theater just for themselves and a small group of friends and I need to look into whether I can do that to see “In The Heights”.

      Reply
  2. mydangblog

    I’d actually go see some of these if they were in theatres. To be honest, I’d go to see anything if it meant be able to go to the theatre–I really miss it!
    mydangblog recently posted…Chair of the BoredMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I really miss going to the theatre too and, now that I think about it, the local independent theatre The Belcourt would probably be completely safe. Maybe I’m assuming too much but most of the people who’d go there are the type who’d be both fully vaccinated and respectful of social distancing. Anyway “The King Of The Hill” with Tom Hanks is one of those things that really needs to happen.

      Reply
  3. A

    These are awesome!

    Reply
  4. Arionis

    Don’t know what happened there but that was These are awesome comment.
    Arionis recently posted…The LeeLander Has Been On The Road For One Year!My Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I’m not sure what happened there either. Commenting systems are weird. Anyway, yeah, they are awesome!

      Reply

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