So this card showed up in our mailbox announcing that for the first time in several years there will be trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. Or maybe there have been trick-or-treaters but they’ve just skipped our house and I had to eat all the Halloween candy I bought myself. It was a hardship but I managed somehow.
I talked to my neighbor about standing out in our driveways together. He’s very tall and I’m pretty short and I had this idea that we could be Cheech and Chong. Sometimes I pick up his mail for him if he’s away and when I take it over I’ll say, “It’s me, Dave, I’ve got the stuff,” and he’ll say, “DAVE’S NOT HERE, MAN!” The kids probably wouldn’t recognize us and I’m not sure how hip the parents would be. And he suggested he could be Jeffrey Dahmer and I could be John Wayne Gacy and I hope the kids wouldn’t recognize us and I know the parents wouldn’t appreciate it, and anyway if I’m going to go to all the trouble of putting on clown makeup I want to be a character who’s kid-friendly, like Pennywise, but that’s another story.
The precise scheduling is funny to me because when I was a kid Halloween started as soon as kids started going out—usually just after sunset, because it would be gauche to show up at someone’s house demanding treats at noon, especially if Halloween fell on a school day. The anarchy of it was part of the fun. But I like having an idea of when kids will show up. It helps me gauge how much candy I might need, although I’d rather have too much than too little, and if I have any leftover, well, it’ll be a hardship but somehow I’ll manage to take care of disposing of it.
And that concludes this year’s Halloween parade although, as always, the final word goes to Lou Reed.