There are hornets under the house, in the crawlspace. I only know this because I’ve seen them going in and out of a hole in the bricks next to the patio. They’ve kept to themselves which is the only reason I haven’t convinced my wife to pack up the dogs and all our belongings and set the house on fire as we drive away. I’ve thought about getting one of those bug bombs that sprays a cloud of insecticide and throwing it into the crawl space, then packing up the dogs and all our belongings and setting the house on fire as we drive away, but, as I said, they’ve kept to themselves.
Still they need to go. I believe I was stung by a hornet once at camp. I can’t be absolutely certain—it was some kind of flying insect that landed on the ground near where I was collecting firewood. I’ve also been stung by honeybees, bumblebees, yellowjackets, and paper wasps and this was a pain more intense than any of those. Luckily I’m not allergic and though it felt like hours the pain dissipated in about fifteen minutes, even without any treatment. When I was a kid and got stung by bees my mother would make a compress out of tobacco and a wet paper towel which helped draw out the poison, and that’s why cigarettes are better than vaping, but that’s another story.
Hornets are also just scary looking beasts. Around the time I got stung by a hornet I was writing stories about a character named Nighthawk. He was sort of a futuristic Robin Hood, going up against an evil king with a robot army in a neo-medieval world. At one point, having infiltrated the castle, Nighthawk had to battle a giant mutant hornet, the scariest thing I could imagine, created by the king’s mad scientist. I believe this is why one stung me; hornets carry grudges.
Wasps are also another matter entirely, giving their kids names like Aldrich and Margeaux, and droning on about how they summered in the Hamptons. When I was a kid a neighbor showed me a mud dauber nest, a cluster of tubes built out of dried mud. He showed me how, like bees, they’re clever and industrious creatures. Then he broke open the tubes and dozens of spider corpses spilled out. As someone who’s always been fascinated by the beauty and wonder of the natural world, who appreciates that there is death as well as life in the grand cycle, that’s when I wanted the neighbor to pack up all his belongings and leave so I could set his house on fire. You come for the spiders you come for me.
The hornets, on the other hand, eat bugs like grasshoppers, and they also drink nectar, so they’re even beneficial. The ones we have are also not, as far as I can tell, the infamous murder hornets that caused widespread panic a few years ago; they’re more likely European hornets. In fact they belong to the genus Vespa so I think they’ll be cool as long as I pass by them and say “Ciao”.
Funny Christopher, we’re plagued by the European hornets now (as we’re in Europe) and they really are a nuisance sitting outside at the cafes and so on, or trying to, as they get all up in our business. Set the house on fire is the best plan; that made me laugh…
Bill, I’m sorry you’ve got to deal with European hornets but, on the other hand, I’m sure being in Europe takes a bit of the sting out of it (no, I couldn’t resist).
We had wasps high up near the roof last year—never bothered us really—but we left the nest up because appyit deters other wasps from coming around. Seems to have worked because we haven’t seen any this year!
Leaving the nest is an interesting strategy. If I thought the hornets would leave us alone I’d have been happy to let them be but they’re too close to where we go in and out (and that, in fact, inspired a sequel).
Before entering the train station in Edmonton last weekend, I got stung by something on my face and hand when I brushed it away, which hurt so much I created a buzz before we boarded our train to Vancouver. The nice workers there gave me disinfectant, bandaids, and even went outside to see if they could figure out what it was. I still don’t know what stung me, but now it’s just a memory. Thanks for another memorable post, Chris.
I’m glad you didn’t get anything worse than being stung, Ann, and that the workers were nice enough to help you with whatever it was. I could believe it was a hornet but I don’t know why one would target you. Maybe it was a wasp. Craig Ferguson once described wasps as “the skinheads of the insect world”.