Source: FromOldBooks.org
This ad popped into my inbox recently:
Announcing WriteOn™, the new program that makes better writing easier. Like you we value clear, well-written, thoughtful, communication. There’s nothing more important than getting your message across in your emails, documents, and presentations while keeping your own personal voice which is why we’ve designed a product that does it for you automatically.
Are messages written by you weak, do you sometimes not made yourself clear? Are there grammatical errors you’re not aware of or that go unnoticed by you? WriteOn™ can help you.
Do you still have to review the writing before it goes out to make sure nothing unplanned got added? Yes, but we’re working on it.
Avoid repetitions, unnecessary clarifications, or lack of clarity in your writing using WriteOn™ to make your writing clear and concise and remove unnecessary repetitions that you might have missed.
Does WriteOn™ sometimes add extra words or delete necessary words? Does it sometimes make your writing sound cold and impersonal? Yes, but we’re working on it.
If you’ve ever struggled with how to start a sentence WriteOn™ can help you. Just start typing and let WriteOn™ finish the rest. Its predictive AI programming can anticipate what you’re going to say by scanning your entire computer as well as the internet. Will WriteOn™ occasionally send inappropriate messages to your boss or automatically select “Reply All” for confidential correspondence? Yes, but we’re working on it.
Do you feel that the writing and critical thinking skills you worked so hard to develop while getting your MFA in creative writing are wasted in a job where at least half your time is spent doing double entry of numbers in spreadsheets? WriteOn™ is just the program for you, writing emails automatically for you that are close to what you would write, giving you more time for double entry of numbers in spreadsheets.
Have you ever looked at a full page article and wished it could be summarized as a three-quarter page article? WriteOn™ can do that.
Does WriteOn™ sometimes take an article about whether Pluto should be reclassified as a planet and summarize it as the filmography of Lana Turner? Yes, but we’re working on it.
Teachers and instructors, would you like a program that can create lesson plans for you based on your curriculum? WriteOn™ can do that and can even generate virtual lectures complete with diagrams.
Did WriteOn™ read selections from the Marquis de Sade to a roomful of second graders? We at WriteOn™ can’t comment on the lawsuit but we’re working on it.
Is it easier you for to talk, translating your words to text? WriteOn™ has a new, unique voice-to-text feature just like the ones in your phone, your TV remote, the virtual assistant you use to order groceries, and that have been used by office workers for more than thirty years. WriteOn™ comes with a special feature that can be keyed exclusively to your voice.
Is WriteOn™ so sensitive it will sometimes pick up you in the bathroom hitting your head against the wall muttering “I can’t take another day of this” and send an audio file of that to your entire contacts list? Yes, but we’re working on it.
Try WriteOn™ for free with the discount code below. The future is here. The future is now. The future is we’re working on it.
Can WriteOn make me laugh as hard as I did reading this? Highly unlikely!
mydangblog recently posted…Read For Filth; A Mini Challenge
I won’t name the program that inspired this but I keep getting these commercials promising that it will “improve your writing” and I’m sure you can relate to the fact that, while I’m always working to make my writing better, I don’t think any computer program can help.
Thanks for working on this, Chris. Write on!
I’ll keep writing, of course, because I’m a real person, though on the internet no one knows you’re an aardvark.