Author Archive: Christopher Waldrop

A Matter Of Interpretation.

Every time I go to the dentist I pass by these flowers. They’re plastic so they last but they’ve been there at least three years—I’ve written about it before—and someone regularly refreshes them, adding new ones and making other changes. There’s still no note, nothing to explain why they’re there, but I still assume they’re some kind of memorial. I still respect the privacy of whoever put them there. Even though it’s in a public spot their reasons for putting the flowers there are, I believe, personal, and should remain that way.

Still that got me thinking about how we interpret works of art. There’s a deep impulse to find meaning in things and it does seem obvious that if someone made something they had a purpose. At first I thought about how it applies to visual arts. Paintings and sculptures often get interpreted based on what we know about the artist and the time in which they lived, though titles can help too, and some artists are happy to explain their work. Others aren’t. Writing—both poetry and prose—can also have layers of meaning, and there are writers who are happy to talk about their inspiration, their craft, and whether there were deeper ideas they were trying to convey but didn’t state explicitly. And there are others who won’t do that. Cormac McCarthy regularly turned down often large fees to come and speak, saying anything readers wanted to know they could get from his books.

There’s an episode of Sanford & Son that opens with Fred and Lamont in a museum. The tour guide shows them an assemblage of metal pieces and asks, “What do you think the artist was trying to say?” Fred quips, “Stay off the freeway!”

Source: YouTube

It’s a joke and I still think it’s funny but even when I was a kid and saw that episode for the first time I thought, that could be right. My parents regularly took me to art museums, which I think is the source of my interest in art, and I learned pretty early that there’s no one way to interpret anything. Maybe that’s why I’ve remembered it and even as an adult think the assemblage could be interpreted as a statement about the perils of technology and the speed of modern life.

Fred is inspired to build an assemblage of his own, but it’s dismissed as worthless, not a “real” work of art, and he tears it down. Why? I wondered. As a kid I was often frustrated by sitcoms that seemed to get into something really interesting right as they hit the twenty-two minute mark and there’d be a quick, cheap resolution that reset everything just before the credits rolled. That still annoys me and I still ask questions like, why is an assemblage in a museum a valuable piece of art but one built by a junk dealer in a backyard worthless?

There’s no right answer to that question.

Night Watch.

Orion was high in the west last night before I went to bed. Jupiter, the brightest object in the sky right now with only a very thin crescent Moon waning towards new, was up too, and almost directly overhead was Mars. I know a lot of people think of Mars as our next step into the universe now that we’ve been to the Moon, though we haven’t been back in more than five decades now. In so much science fiction Mars is inhabited, or at least habitable, a home away from home for terrestrial life, but last night looking toward the brighter planet I thought about how Jupiter is really the New York of our solar system: if we can make it there we can make it anywhere. Not that Jupiter even has a surface we could land on, and if it did the gravity would crush almost anything we’d send down, but it’s got dozens on moons we could settle on if we could overcome a few challenges like creating a breathable atmosphere, producing food, dealing with the intense radiation—Jupiter spews out more energy than it receives from the sun—and also hauling almost everything we’d need more than a billion miles through space. Getting to Jupiter makes the Oregon trail look like a hop, skip, and a jump.

Then I turned toward Orion, the constellation of the hunter, the second constellation I learned to recognize after Ursa Major. I was never very good at connect-the-dots puzzles but there’s a certain clarity about constellations. After seeing a picture of the Orion constellation in a book I just looked up one night at the right time and there it was, literally right before my eyes, a distinct figure, not quite pareidolia but close.

Winter is hunting season, when herds are culled and freezing temperatures and snow mean meat’s on the menu so it’s fitting Orion is high in the sky. But Orion is at its peak I also know it means winter’s coming to an end, the grass and hibernating animals will be waking up, the spring birds will be coming back. The squirrel nests, big clumps of dry leaves taking up space in the empty branches of trees, will be replaced by green leaves. The horizon I can see now will be obscured by greenery, and the sky directly overhead, so clear right now, will get hazy with humidity.

It was a warm night for late February and I stood out there for a long time thinking about the planets, the stars, and also how all of us, even when completely still, are always in motion.   

You Don’t Have To Be Crazy To Work Here.

One of the nice things about a new coworker is they can remind me of things I’d forgotten or that I just take for granted but should still appreciate. The other day a new coworker dropped by my cubicle to ask a work question but instead asked something much more important: “Why do you have a big ball of string?”

It’s the last remnant of when I worked in the mailroom. Packages, especially from overseas, sometimes came in wrapped up in string and I started saving it because you never know when you might need some string. I also had hopes it might one day rival the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota but I moved on to other jobs. Even though I still dropped in to check on the mailroom occasionally the number of packages, especially those tied with string, declined. I still kept the ball of string but I’ve had it so long I’d completely forgotten about it until the new coworker asked about it.

I couldn’t there, though. I had to share the one time I actually used the ball of string for something. Several years earlier another coworker, now long gone, dropped by my cubicle to ask a work question but instead asked something much more important: “Hey, do you think you have enough string to reach the ground floor?”

Do not underestimate the value of questions like this. The office is on the 7th floor so the distance to the ground is approximately seventy feet. I’d never measured the string but this would give us a good idea how much I had. At the time the office windows opened—they’ve since been sealed for safety reasons and to make temperature regulation easier. The coworker had a pink stuffed hippo and we decided to use it as a weight. Unfortunately I’d forgotten to tie the last piece of string to the rest and, as I was lowering it, the hippo and about a foot of string took a sudden tumble to the ground.

We took the elevator to the first floor and pulled the hippo out of the bushes.

Back on the seventh floor we decided to make another try but this time with a pencil—something we wouldn’t mind sacrificing. As it was descending past the sixth floor, which is a parking garage and also smoker’s lounge, a hand shot out and grabbed the pencil.

“Hello? Hello? Who’s up there? Who’s doing this?”

For someone taking a smoke break they sounded unusually edgy. I started pulling on the string but they wouldn’t let go. My coworker quickly grabbed a pair of scissors and we sacrificed a few feet of string.

It wasn’t necessary to share all of this, of course, but I feel it was important to give my new coworker a sense of what they could expect from me.

Here’s a detailed illustration of where all this occurred:

Point, Click…

The first camera I had was a hand-me-down. It was vintage, really, a kind with a strap that went around my neck and hung to my stomach so I’d have to look down into the viewfinder. I think it was some model of Kodak Duaflex. What I’d see through the viewfinder wasn’t very clear and, as was so often the case with old cameras, I really wouldn’t know what the picture would look like until it was developed. And that meant using up the whole roll of film first then taking it to a little hut in the middle of the Kmart parking lot, then leaving it for a week or so with a guy who looked like John Fogerty, probably because he was John Fogerty.

Most of the pictures I took with it were disappointing. I remember one very specifically that I took on a very cold winter day. There was a vacant lot behind my house that I loved exploring. It had a high rocky wall at the that held all sorts of treasures such as a cache of smoky quartz crystals and brachiopod fossils, and what looked like a dinosaur tooth but was probably just an oddly-shaped rock.

There was one spot where water trickled down over a series of jutting rocks, runoff from the hill above it. I transplanted some moss to one of the rocks, and some staghorn lichen, and some British soldier lichen with its crimson caps. All of it grew really well, a strange miniature rock garden of my very own.

The day I took the picture the water trickling down had frozen into icicles. I wasn’t worried about my garden; even then I knew lichens are ridiculously tough and can even survive in space. I just thought the whole scene was beautiful: mottled grays and greens, and even traces of azure from the lichen. I probably took as many as three pictures—film was limited and expensive both to buy and process, but I still wanted to make sure I wanted to capture the scene. What came back was dull, blurry, barely recognizable to me, and I was the one who’d taken the picture.

I realize now that even with a better camera it would have been difficult to get a proper picture. There wasn’t a clear focal point, no real composition. The best I could have done was focus on one of the lichens but they were obscured by ice. The sky was overcast so the lighting was awful. With all that I actually liked the picture. It was an excellent lesson in what not to do in photography and even now, with digital cameras that can show you exactly how your picture’s going to turn out before you take it, I think about how challenging it can be to even get a halfway decent shot. So many factors, which the photographer has varying degrees of control over, have to come together. I still haven’t managed it.

The music video for Bishop Allen’s Click, Click, Click has a camera similar to the one I had. And it’s just a fun video and song.

 

Then And Now.


The difference in taking cough medicine when you’re a kid versus an adult:

Kid: You don’t remember taking it before but something about that shimmering spoonful of liquid that manages to be both purple and brown at the same time triggers fear in you. This is a trick. They’ll have to strap you down and pry your mouth open before you’ll let that in your mouth.

Adult: It can’t possibly be as bad as you remember.

Kid: Bleh, that is the most horrible, awful, disgusting thing you’ve ever had in your mouth, and you were once tricked into trying kale.

Adult: How is it worse than you remember? Seriously, that is the worst thing you’ve ever had in your mouth. Okay, there was that one time in college at a party when what you thought was a rum and Coke was the spit cup being used by that one guy who chewed tobacco…no, this is worse.

Kid: It’s been ten whole minutes. How is the horrible taste still there? At this point you’d drink anything, even water, to get rid of it. And when is it supposed to make you stop coughing?

Adult: It’s only been ten minutes. Is it too early to drink some water? 

Kid: You’re never taking that crap ever again. You’ll never risk getting a cold. You’ll never go outside. What’s that? Your friends are sledding. Now you remember why you agreed to take it in the first place. Where’s your coat? Never mind. You won’t need it. But first you’re going to sit down on the couch for a minute.

Adult: The label says “may cause drowsiness”. When is that supposed to kick in? Some sleep would be nice for a change. Must not work on you for some reason. You’ll just sit down on the couch for a minute.

Kid: Why is it dark? Oh, it’s been about four hours. Oh no. You feel another cough coming. You have to suppress it or they’ll give you another dose.

Adult: How are you still tired after sleeping for more than four hours? Oh great, here comes more coughing. Time to take some more. It can’t be as bad as you remember, right?

Kid: Maybe if you scream enough next time you’ll get the kind that tastes like candy.

Adult: Next time you’re buying the kind that tastes like candy.

Ripple Effect.

We’re under a winter storm threat, with snow and prolonged freezing temperatures expected, and even though the skies are partly sunny right now the warning is already disrupting my schedule for the week ahead because we could get as much as three inches of snow. I know that sounds funny to people in places that are used to snow and, to be fair, Nashville does get enough snow that we should be used to it by now. Also there are a lot of people who’ve moved here from other places and they should have brought their snow experience with them. I even asked a coworker who’d moved here from Cleveland—Ohio, not Tennessee—how people in her hometown dealt with heavy snow.

“Oh, we know exactly what to do,” she said. “When there’s really heavy snow we stay home.”

That’s wise advice and with telecommuting it’s a lot easier to do that and still get work done, although a part of me misses the days when my wife and I had a vehicle with four-wheel drive and there were snow days when I’d be the only person in the office.

The downside of this winter weather warning is that I’d spent the last two weeks juggling multiple schedules so I could give a tour of where I work to some new employees. I really enjoy giving tours and of course they can happen at any time but I hate having to flood people with meeting requests that then get cancelled followed by new requests.

As my wife was reading off the specifics of the storm warning there was this note at the end: “Mosquito impact is expected to be minimal.”

So there is a bright side to it.

The Eyes Have It.

I was walking through a hospital when I was taken by surprise by a pair of googly eyes. I shouldn’t have been that surprised. It’s not exactly pareidolia but people like to turn things into faces by sticking googly eyes on them. There’s even a Googly Eyes Foundation that promotes the googlification of everyday items by providing free googly eyes.

That led me down a rabbit hole of the history of googly eyes but that’s where murky. The name may come from the syndicated comic strip Barney Google And Snuffy Smith which debuted in 1919 and more than a century later is still making lazy, awful jokes based on tired stereotypes of rural people. Check out The Comics Curmudgeon to see the strip regularly get the treatment it deserves.

Googly eyes may have originated from German dolls made in the early 20th century, and the term “googly” may even have come from German. Like I said the history is murky. They really became popular in the early 1970’s with the invention of Weepuls which were a really big fad at one time and while it’s died down it never completely went away—there’s still a Weepuls organization.

As much as I like digging into history I also like it that there are some things that remain mysteries, that may always be mysteries. Like who put the googly eyes there.

Beware Of The Flowers.

Valentine’s Day is a time for giving flowers because nothing says love and affection like giving someone something that’s going to wilt in hours or days, or, if it’s a living plant, that they’ll have to take care of but at least isn’t dying. Roses are the most popular, especially red roses, because nothing says love and passion like something that’s ridiculously difficult to cultivate, doesn’t like to get its leaves wet, and, if not handled correctly, will stab you.

The symbolism of roses is one of the last lingering remembrances of a time when there was a whole language of plants and flowers. In Victorian England, and even earlier, there were flower glossaries, like decoder pins. A bouquet could send a message, or several messages, and depending on what book you were using, could even mean contradictory things. An amaryllis could mean “pride” or it could mean “timidity”. I’m not sure if it would be the giver or the receiver who was timid. I guess it depends on whether or not you sign the card. Dahlias could mean “elegance” or “dignity”—I’m not sure why they’re so special—or they could mean instability, and that seems like it’s going too far in the other direction. Anemones—the flower—meant “frailty” or “sickness” or “expectation” so you had to be really careful about giving those. A potato meant “benevolence” and a cactus could mean “humor” or it could mean “imminent danger”, and I guess it depends on whether you were about to sit on it. Passion flowers meant “piety” and not, well, “passion”, and while a red rose meant love a yellow rose could mean “jealousy” and a white rose could mean “I am worthy of you” which I think would be up to the recipient to judge. A striped carnation meant “refusal” and I hope the person who got them knew that. Meadow saffron, a crocus that only grows in Britain and Ireland, meant “my happiest days are behind me” which seems weirdly specific, but then it’s got a limited range. And some are, I think, more understandable. Violets meant “shyness” because they like to grow in shady places, and a shy person might still be described as “a shrinking violet”. Then there are pansies which simply meant “thoughts” and I have no idea what they were thinking. Calling someone a pansy is still supposed to be an insult, meaning they’re weak or, if they’re a man, effeminate, but I see pansies blooming in the bitter cold which is why I think they should mean “survival in adversity”, or just the botanical equivalent of a middle finger to anyone who thinks “effeminate” is an insult.

In 1875, at the same time that Victorians were sending all these flower messages,  Charles Darwin published a book called Insectivorous Plants. It didn’t get as much attention as his previous work on evolution which is a shame because it could have opened up a whole new area of flower language. The Venus’s flytrap does show up in flower dictionaries—it meant “deceit” and not “cleverness” or “ingenuity” which would have made more sense if you ask me. Sundews, which were ignored, could have meant “I’m stuck on you” and the gift of a pitcher plant would be a nice way to say “I’d like to drown you in digestive juices”.

And that reminds me of the time I texted a musician friend, “The only thing better than roses on your piano is tulips on your organ.” He texted back, “I’M IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW!”

Out To Lunch.

A coworker asked me where I went for lunch every day and then immediately apologized because she realized that, well, that’s an invasive question. She was just curious because every day at noon I pass by her cubicle with my journal. Not that I have anything to hide but I’d never ask someone where they go because they might have their reasons for wanting to keep that information private. I don’t know if anyone else is like me but when I’m off the clock I want to get as far away from work as possible, and when I’ve gone to lunch with people I work with I try to steer the conversations to pretty much anything but work. I have the advantage of working on a college campus and even when classes are in session there are a lot of empty classrooms or just lounge spaces where I can hide out for half an hour. I’ve worked in office buildings out in the middle of nowhere and felt trapped during lunch because there wasn’t anywhere to go. There was a break room and a dining area with vending machines but if I wanted to get out and walk, go somewhere truly away from work, my options were the parking lot or, just beyond that, the interstate.

It’s really funny to me that, as is the case with a lot of older college campuses, there are lots of buildings that have old exteriors but they’ve been renovated from the inside, usually over years, sometimes over decades, and that’s created some mazelike interiors with rooms I think even people who work in those buildings forget are there. One of these days one of those buildings may be knocked down entirely and they’ll find a grizzled old professor behind a wall, still diligently working away at a monograph on Phoenician etymology.

Anyway, without really thinking about it I started telling the coworker that some days I’d walk a few buildings over to one that has a nice lounge area and an outdoor patio that no one else seems to know about since it was only added during a renovation that happened about five years ago. It wasn’t until I was on my way there that I realized I’d given away a valuable secret and now I need to find a new place to get away. Maybe there’s a space next to that professor’s office.