Ice on a sprain, heat on a strain.
Peroxide on a cut, petroleum jelly on a burn.
Pressure for a bruise, rest for a cramp.
Cooling for sunburn, warming for chilblains.
Sleep for a migraine, exercise for a hangover.
Cayenne oil for soreness, alfalfa juice for swelling.
Breathe deeply with a charley horse, hold your breath with hiccups.
Chicken soup for the flu, broth for the catarrh.
Moisture for itching, wicking for sweating.
Honey for a sore throat, preparations of sulfur for the croup.
Suction for snakebite, ointment for scabies.
Tilt back with a nosebleed, recline with vertigo.
Aspirin for warts, retinoid for carbuncles.
Garlic for gangrene, citrus rind for halitosis.
Warm milk for night terrors, pectin for nervous philtrum.
Poultices for dislocated lobe, molasses for irritable toenail.
Bacon grease for fiddler’s elbow, brandy for well digger’s ass.
Quicklime for a shallow grave, formic acid for badger infestation.
Sticks and stones, rubber and glue.
Bungle in the jungle, that’s all right with me.