Pop Quiz

Summer Blockbuster Quiz.

I have a lot to say about recent events but I’m not ready to speak about them just yet. That led me to wonder if I should simply stay silent. John Oliver’s preface to his show the other night made me think about that. In the wake of tragedy it may seem petty, even insulting, to try and make people laugh, but then I thought that without laughter we have no way of coping with tragedy. So, please, enjoy my stupid blog.

Deleted Scenes That Completely Changed Famous Movies—Summer Blockbuster Edition

1. “Welcome to my island resort! As you can see I’ve spared no expense providing every possible luxury. I hope to make it as big a success as possible. My accountant can’t see the sense in bringing some scientists here instead of trying to attract wealthier people, but I thought you lot and my grandchildren could help make the case that it’s open to everyone. Seriously, I need as many people as I can get. Lost billions on a major biotech project that looked promising but it turns out it’s just impossible to clone dinosaurs.”

2. “Hi, this is Dean Hoover at Faber College. I understand you and your colleagues have just lost your jobs at NYU. We’re starting up a parapsychology program of our own and we’re desperate for faculty. Would you be interested in coming to work for us, Doctor Venkman?”

3. “Thanks for giving me my dad’s old stuff. I know you’d like me to come with you but I really need to stay here and deal with the death of my aunt and uncle. They’re the only family I ever knew and I can’t just go off and leave the farm and everything else they worked so hard to build. Good luck on your mission Ben, um, I mean Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

4. “I’m sorry, they’ve decided they’re not going to fund the expedition after all.”

“Did they say why, Marcus?”

“Well, you know how these government bureaucrats are. There’s a chance of a war in Europe and they seem to think the money would be better spent on arms rather than going after a long lost cultural artifact.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just hope if the Nazis do find the Ark of the Covenant they don’t melt it down for gold.”

“By the way, Indy, is your father still doing Holy Grail research?

5. “Stay here and work on the farm. The seas are so dangerous right now. I have enough money put aside that we can marry now rather waiting. Won’t you please, Wesley?”

“As you wish.”


The alien spaceship, like a large onion or the top of a minaret, stands, in a clearing. A dozen or so short squat creatures amble around it. The hoot of an owl momentarily spooks them. Their hearts glow. They separate and explore the woods. One moves away from the group. Long alien fingers carefully pluck a sapling from the ground.

Suddenly trucks drive up nearby. Men in heavy boots wielding flashlights get out. They run into the woods, their lights slicing the darkness. They spread out. One of the aliens appears to be cut off. It runs through the forest emitting a piercing scream. The men cluster, following it. The alien backs up to a massive trunk. The men close in around it.

Then several of the aliens appear out of the surrounding undergrowth. The men are surrounded!



A pale beige interior. The floors and walls are covered with strange lumps like the beginnings of stalactites or stalagmites. The room is foggy. Clusters of collected Earth plants are scattered around the room. The men all lie unconscious on the floor.

Overhead two of the aliens look down. One turns to the other.

E.T.: Let’s cut one and see what happens.

Now it’s your turn to test your movie knowledge! Match the movies to their corresponding posters.


Polite Quiz.

etiquetteThis quiz will test your knowledge of etiquette. If you encounter ambiguous or confusing questions consult the answer key before proceeding.





1) You’re walking with a friend down the street. You should

a) Walk on their left

b) Walk on their right

c) Decide based on whether they’re left or right-handed

d) Pretend to push them into traffic and laugh

2) A co-worker shares confidential information about a fellow co-worker with you. You should

a) Say nothing

b) Report the co-worker who spoke to you to HR

c) Report both co-workers to HR

d) Use the information to blackmail Kevin into bringing you duty-free Scotch from the conference he’s attending

3) You’re running late for a meeting and step into the elevator. You see another person approaching from a distance. You should

a) Hold the door

b) Let them get the next elevator

c) Pretend you don’t see them

d) Yell “Hurry!” while you’re pressing the ‘Door close’ button

4) You’re tweeting  a Periscope video that was shared from an Instagram link on Facebook. Should you also like it on Tumblr for your Tindr profile?

a) Yes

b) No

c) Only if the person who sent it has added you to their LinkedIn network

d) Get off my lawn!

5) You’re spending the night at Lord Buldlington’s manor. Whilst dressing for afternoon tea you discover your third valet forgot to pack an extra set of garters. You should

a) Send word to the sophomore footman that you require supplemental livery

b) Ask the underbutler to create a distraction in the parlor so your manservant can slip into Sir Merton’s room and “borrow” his walrus-ivory cufflinks

c) Feign illness and have a cold supper of smoked tongue and aspic in your room

d) Create a scandal by calling Lady Bertrille “a swotty knickerbocker”

6) You’re having drinks with coworkers. The person to your left has purchased a round for the entire table. Everyone expects you to do the same but you don’t have enough money. You should

a) Apologize and offer to pay for the drink the other person purchased

b) Buy drinks but quietly ask a friend to help

c) Decide you can be a little late with this month’s rent

d) Buy several more rounds and appetizers and wake up three days later in a Vegas hotel room with an armadillo and the word “ANTHROPOMORPHIZE” tattooed on your forehead

7) You make a bank shot off two rails and sink one of your opponent’s balls. You believe this is a foul and the ball should be replaced. Your opponent disagrees. According to the rules

a) You are correct

b) Your opponent is correct

c) The ball doesn’t count but should remain pocketed

d) It’s time for another round of drinks

8) You are driving down a narrow road and the driver behind you insists on tailgating. You should

a) Maintain your current speed

b) Slow down

c) Tap your brakes

d) You’re driving in Russia, so who cares? Go offroad!

9) You’re at an elegant dinner party and a dish you don’t recognize is served. You look at the array of utensils next to your plate. You should

a) See what the people on either side of you pick up

b) Use the shrimp fork

c) Use the oyster knife

d) Get a new plate each time you return to the buffet

10) You and a friend have made plans to go out. At the last minute your friend cancels but you learn later that your friend was seen out without you. You should

a) Say nothing and assume your friend had good reasons

b) Say nothing and save it for a later argument

c) Ask your friend what happened

d) Disguise yourself and start stalking them

11) You receive an email and forget to reply to it. After a week the sender sends a follow-up email asking if you received the first email. You should

a) Apologize and reply immediately.

b) Claim the email went to your junk folder

c) See if they’ll send a third email

d) Cut off all internet access, move to Borneo, and adopt a whole new identity

12) You’re about to drop your calling card at the Windermere House and you notice both Henry Greene and Aloysius Wells have left their cards first. You should

a) Leave your card on top even though this will reveal you were late

b) Slip your card to the bottom

c) Split and double down

d) Take Greene’s card and inscribe the word “Scallywag” on it

13) You’re at a party and are introduced to a large number of strangers. To remember their names you should

a) Mentally repeat each person’s name to imprint it on your memory

b) Repeat each person’s name once as you’re introduced to them

c) Suggest that everyone wear nametags

d) Just call everyone “Jeff”

14) A person to whom you’ve just been introduced asks how much money you make. You should

a) Say you don’t discuss personal finances

b) Ask, “Why, do you need to borrow some?”

c) Say, “Obviously more than you based on those shoes.”

d) Set them on fire.

15) You’re taking an online quiz and start to doubt your answers. You should:

a) Keep going. You’re doing your best and that’s all you can do

b) Quit because who really needs this crap?

c) Take “Potent Potables” for $600

d) Check the answer key



Pop Quiz: Rhymes With Cheese.

Milk it for all it's worth.

Milk it for all it’s worth.












In honor of National Poetry Month I thought I’d offer up this pop quiz: verse form or cheese?

  1. Rushan
  2. Urda
  3. Ghazal
  4. Sirene
  5. Rondelet
  6. Villanelle
  7. Tilsit
  8. Clerihew
  9. Mimolette
  10. Saga
  11. Paneer
  12. Triolet
  13. Cantal
  14. Rondelet
  15. Rodoric
  16. Limburger
  17. Limerick
  18. Havarti
  19. Haiku
  20. Sestina
  21. Sapphic
  22. Pantoum
  23. Feta
  24. Gorgonzola
  25. Vetch


20-25: The poetry reading/cheese tasting will be at your house

15-19: You took cooking as an elective while majoring in English, or vice versa

10-14: You’re good enough at guessing that I’d like to go to Vegas with you

5-9: It trips you up that the French have almost as many different verse forms as cheeses

1-4: You’re a menace in both the kitchen and the library


Pop Quiz!

quizThis is a special day and deserves a special pop quiz. Because April is the cruelest month and because there are reports that Shakespeare’s skull is missing I thought the subject should be poetry. For previous pop quizzes you can click the category over on the right or you can use this handy link. And now without further ado about nothing here is the quiz.




Romantic comedy or Three Stooges short?

  1. Hold the Lion, Please
  2. The Adventure of the Red-Headed League
  3. Scrambled Aches
  4. Rhapsody Rabbit
  5. The Five Orange Pips
  6. A Scandal in Bohemia
  7. A-Lad-In His Lamp
  8. Guided Muscle
  9. Chariots of Fur
  10. The Problem of Thor Bridge
  11. Foxy by Proxy
  12. The Wistful Widow of Wagon Gap
  13. Hyde and Hare
  14. Xoloitzcuintli
  15. Hopalong Casualty
  16. Devil’s Feud Cake
  17. Gaslight
  18. Wild About Hurry
  19. What’s Opera, Doc?
  20. The Gulag Archipelago


18-20: Seek professional help

13-17: Hey, that’s not bad!

10-16: We’ve got a live one here.

5-9: You cheated and this is still the best you did?

1-4: No, really, seek professional help.


Slowly Deflating Quiz.

spoonRegular readers are familiar with the occasional pop quizzes I throw out. I try to make them fun and a little bit challenging but not too difficult because nothing annoys me more than trying to do a crossword puzzle and halfway through feeling like the antediluvian legal scholar who created it decided no one would make it past 42-across and just started making up words and I want to hunt him down and beat him with a dictionary.

Anyway I got an idea for a pop quiz while reading Sam Kean’s The Disappearing Spoon, which is a really cool book about the periodic table and the elements that comprise it. It’s not a heavy scientific text but full of interesting stories like how in 1915 the Germans covertly took over a Colorado molybdenum mine which gave them an advantage in World War I, but that’s another story.

And then I started writing the quiz down and realized I was insane. It relied on some pretty rarefied knowledge and the clues were such a stretch I think even most chemists would find it tougher than tungsten. The answers are all scientists who aren’t household names, with one exception. Think bushy hair and moustache and sarcastic synonym for “smart person”.

They are also all scientists who’ve had elements named after them which narrows it down but they’re mostly still obscure and to make it even worse all my puns are a real stretch. And this may surprise some of the laity but the naming of elements can actually be controversial. Dmitri Mendeleev created the first modern periodic table and realized there were a lot of undiscovered elements to fill the spaces. He named the gap elements things like “ekaaluminum”. “Eka” is Sanskrit for “one” and was the element Mendeleev predicted would sit under aluminum on the periodic table. He was right about there being such an element but the scientist who discovered it named it gallium. When Marie Curie discovered polonium  in 1911 she named it in honor of her home country, Poland, which was not at the time a bona fide country and fighting Germany for independence. Now while the naming is less political scientists still rush for naming rights and some elements have gone unnamed for years while who really found them first is sorted out.

Still with me? Here’s the quiz. Get one or two and you can feel really good about yourself. Get more than half and you can non-sarcastically call yourself a smart person. Get zero and you get the grand prize: you can hunt me down and beat me with a dictionary.

Name the scientist suggested by the following puns.

1. He would prefer to wade.

Additional clues: called the “father of nuclear physics”, he won the Nobel Prize in 1908

2. Hard common vowel.

Additional clues: an Italian physicist who worked on the Manhattan Project

3. Ocean-going Star Trek villain.

Additional clues: the only living person to have an element named after him he discovered or helped discover ten elements

4. Heal him.

Additional clues: the only woman to have an element named after her (so far), she discovered both polonium and radium

5. One big mug.

Additional clues: a real smart person with a reputation for absent-mindedness. Think bushy hair and moustache.

6. Edict wash.

Additional clues: invented the cyclotron

7. Repair Bulgarian currency.

Additional clues: created the periodic table and predicted the discovery of many additional elements

This clue is also so far out if you get it without the additional clues you are either a science historian, a chemist, or are working in the wrong field

8. Doesn’t ring.

Additional clues: has a prestigious set of prizes named after him and invented dynamite

9. Hire Hunger Games star.

Additional clues: German scientist (oh, like that narrows it down) who discovered X-rays

10. A real sleeper.

Additional clues: Danish scientist who created a popular atomic model.

Answer key:


And all this is really an excuse to share Tom Lehrer’s The Elements. If you’ve all been paying attention you’ll know that since he wrote it the news of a few new elements has come to Harvard.


Don’t Take Lipstick From Strangers.

With Valentine’s Day coming up it’s time for another pop quiz. This time our topic is: Candy or lipstick color?

All lipstick colors are from Maybelline, Covergirl, and Revlon. All candies, with one notable exception, are from Russel Stover Candies.

  1. Chocolate Mint dream
  2. Touch of spice
  3. Pink sugar
  4. Coconut cream
  5. Burgundy blush
  6. Chocolate whip
  7. Butter cream caramel
  8. Maple kiss
  9. Pecan delight
  10. Cherry cordial
  11. Truffle tease
  12. Espresso exposed
  13. Electric orange
  14. Chocolate Adelaide
  15. Crunchy frog
  16. Raspberry parfait
  17. Brazen berry
  18. Berry couture
  19. Apricot fantasy
  20. Raisin rage
  21. Red velvet truffle
  22. Mocha cream
  23. Starlight kisses
  24. Chocolate velvet
  25. Caramel glacé
  26. French mint
  27. Sugar almond
  28. Roman nougat
  29. Bronzed peach
  30. Wedding cake truffle


26-30: You’re the one holding up the line at the pharmacy because you’re getting your groceries and your prescriptions at the same time.

20-25: You know more about chocolate and fashion than any human being should.

15-19: You should take up gambling because you’re really good at lucky guesses.

10-14: You deserve chocolate today, unless you’re allergic to it in which case you deserve the chocolate substitute of your choice.

5-9: It doesn’t say anything on the label about lark’s vomit.

1-4: You are some kind of sick human being, possibly a cannibal, and I would really like to meet you.


Answer key:


Pop Quiz.

musicYou have one hour to finish the test. If you feel you need more time you have thirty minutes to finish the test.



  1. Why do fools fall in love?
    a. Love is tricky
    b It makes the floor slippery
    c. Ask all my exes
  2. What’s love got to do with it?
    a. Everything
    b. Nothing
    c. It makes the world go ’round
    d. Ask a fool
  3. Who’s that girl?
    a. Madonna
    b. Sean Penn
    c. Is this a trick question?
    d. Marlo Thomas
  4. Who let the dogs out?
    a. What dogs?
    b. They did it themselves. They’re very smart.
    c. My housesitter! That’s it. He’s fired.
    d. Say that again and I will cut you.
  5. Where have all the flowers gone?
    a. They died. Should’ve planted perennials.
    b. Young girls have picked them every one. Fools.
    c. It’s now a parking lot.
    d. They got a new job and moved to Poughkeepsie.
  6. What’s the frequency Kenneth?
    a. 4.68 megaherz with a repeating cycle
    b. About every four minutes
    c. Pre-set on my car radio
    d. For the last time my name is Kevin.
  7. Who are you?
    a. Who is anyone?
    b. Anyone you want me to be.
    c. Knock knock. Wait, what?
    d. Do you really want to know?
  8. Do you know the way to San Jose?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c. It’s a long way to Tipperary.
    d. No, but I’ll check my GPS
  9. How can you mend a broken heart?
    a. Time wounds all heels.
    b. With new Monster Glue(TM)!
    c. Try a little tenderness.
    d. You can’t, fool!
  10. What becomes of the brokenhearted?
    a. They move on.
    b. They binge on tequila and ice cream
    c. Medication helps
    d. Only farted
  11. Why don’t we do it in the road?
    a. Sure
    b. It’s rush hour.
    c. Um, we can afford a hotel.
    d. At least take me to dinner and a movie first.
  12. Who’ll stop the rain?
    a. Me. I’ve got an umbrella.
    b. The weathermen.
    c. The climate
    d. We’re in the middle of a drought! What’s wrong with you?
  13. What’s so funny ’bout peace love and understanding?
    a. Nothing
    b. Everything
    c. You’re so cute.
    d. The desperate shortage of all three.
  14. Have you ever loved a woman?
    a. Yes
    b. No
    c. That’s a rather personal question.
    d. Define “loved”.
  15. Are you lonesome tonight?
    a. No
    b. I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t stood me up.
    c. I’ve got tequila and ice cream to keep me company.
    d. No, I’m Kevin. Lonesome Tonight couldn’t make it.
  16. Who wrote the book of love?
    a. It was a collaboration.
    b. Be more specific.
    c. I’ll take “Sounds like Shakespeare” for $500, Alex!
    d. Who’s on first.
  17. Will you still love me tomorrow?
    a. I guess so.
    b. Let me sleep on it.
    c. Tomorrow’s just another day.
    d. Let me get you another drink.
  18. Should I stay or should I go?
    a. Stay
    b. Go
    c. We’ve gotta get out of this place.
    d. Who invited you?
  19. Wouldn’t it be nice?
    a. If you’re into that sort of thing.
    b. I’ve tried it. It was overrated.
    c. Tomorrow’s just another day.
    d. Define “it”.
  20. What’s new pussycat?
    a. My hair. You didn’t even notice!
    b. The fact that you’re calling me pussycat.
    c. Whoa-oh-oh!
    d. Everything under the sun.

Extra credit:

How long to the point of no return?

a. Two miles

b. Three blocks that way, then turn left.

c. About thirty years behind us.

d. If train A leaves Chicago going 75mph and train B leaves Poughkeepsie going 80mph and train B overtakes train A in Des Moines what is the capitol of Nebraska?


Pop Quiz!










Pop quiz: Hat or fruit?

  1. Guava
  2. Beret
  3. Sapote
  4. Pahlavi
  5. Homburg
  6. Prune
  7. Sombrero
  8. Kumquat
  9. Kepi
  10. Lychee
  11. Durian
  12. Capirote
  13. Tamarind
  14. Boater
  15. Quince
  16. Shako
  17. Rambutan
  18. Turban
  19. Sloe
  20. Cloche
  21. Rowan
  22. Mantilla
  23. Capote
  24. Pawpaw
  25. Yanggwan
  26. Persimmon
  27. Trilby
  28. Fedora
  29. Mangosteen
  30. Beanie

Each question is worth a completely arbitrary three points to put unreasonable pressure on you to do math after you’ve finished.

75-150 points: Your elegant and fashionable dinner parties are intricate and well-planned in a way that makes everyone else insecure and uncomfortable. Who even knows what a shrimp fork is anymore?

60-74 points: You watch a lot of those fashion and cooking competition shows, don’t you?

45-59 points: Excellent guesswork. You win and may take a prize from the treasure box on the desk at the front of the room.

27-44 points: Still within the ballpark. You may take a pencil from the shoebox next to the chalkboard at the back of the room.

8.5-26 points: You knew most of this stuff at one time but like the quadratic formula you knew you’d never use it so you forgot it. You may take two prizes from the treasure box on the desk at the front of the room.

3-8.4 points: Please hand in the pencil you took from the shoebox next to the chalkboard at the back of the room when you came in. You shouldn’t be allowed to have anything sharp.


Pop Quiz!

Musical term or pasta?

  1. Fusilli
  2. Abbellimenti
  3. Pappardelle
  4. Pizzoccheri
  5. Villotta
  6. Lamento
  7. Mafaldine
  8. Rigatoni
  9. Bamboula
  10. Tutti
  11. Obbligato
  12. Zimbalon
  13. Farfalloni
  14. Jongleur
  15. Passacaglia
  16. Lumaconi
  17. Mandala
  18. Orecchiette
  19. Quadrefiore
  20. Funiculì
  21. Ricciutelle
  22. Quadrettini
  23. Sacchettini
  24. Tortelloni
  25. Epithalamium
  26. Gnocchi
  27. Spatzle
  28. Malagueña
  29. Bucatini
  30. Logorrhea

Each answer is worth 1 point.

1-10 points: Great job guessing!

11-20 points: Your music appreciation/cooking instructor is somewhere saying, “Thank goodness something got through.”

21-30 points: We’re coming to your place for dinner and/or a concert.

Answer key:


Pop Quiz!








Medical term or fictional place:

  1. Amnion
  2. Sequela
  3. Avalon
  4. Naegleria
  5. Axon
  6. Dendrite
  7. Zegyma
  8. Elysium
  9. Dagoba
  10. Glioma
  11. Macrosomia
  12. Duodenum
  13. Laputa
  14. Labia
  15. Aasgard
  16. Adventitia
  17. Acne
  18. Trenzalore
  19. Presbyopia
  20. Scorbutus
  21. Cilia
  22. Xanadu
  23. Skaro
  24. Gynecomastia
  25. Lankhmar
  26. Equestria
  27. Pern
  28. Saccular
  29. Xanthinuria
  30. Quinacrine
  31. Czill
  32. Typhus
  33. Risa
  34. Cockaigne
  35. Mirkwood
  36. Xibalba
  37. Prophylaxis
  38. Keratoma
  39. Hyperborea
  40. Utopia
  41. Jiangyin
  42. Acathisia
  43. Meropis
  44. Placenta
  45. Uriel
  46. Acrodynia
  47. Jejunum
  48. Amtor
  49. Kalemia
  50. Toadsuck

Scoring: each correct answer is inexplicably worth 2 points.

0-50-Don’t sweat it.

50-75-You are very knowledgeable about medicine, mythology, or both.

76-95-Think about getting out more.

96-100-You either need professional help or you are the professional help.

Answer key: