Quick Takes.

Here Comes The Sun.

A wave of bitter cold swept through, well, everywhere, apparently. I hadn’t been watching the news because I’ve been on vacation, so I’ve missed the weather forecasts. Being on vacation also meant I didn’t get dressed until well after the sun was up, and even then I could just pull on a sweatshirt and jeans. Coming back to work I have to put on a button-down shirt and jeans because there’s at least some flexibility in the office dress code. It’s better than when I was a customer service agent for the trucking industry. The dress code there required slacks, a dress shirt, and a tie so I’d at least look nice while I sat at a desk and answered the phone all day.

The cold weather outside was made even worse by the fact that the building maintenance staff turned off the heat over Thanksgiving. The person in charge of maintenance believes it’s cheaper and more efficient to turn off the heat on holidays and weekends, and since the maintenance office has a separate heating system they don’t have to come into an office that’s fifty degrees Fahrenheit—that’s ten degrees Celsius—first thing on Monday morning.

At least I feel lucky that where I am the bitter cold held off until December, with the days only now getting noticeably shorter. I left for work in the dark, after scraping flowers of frost from the windshield, and was greeted by the sun through the buildings. And then, in the evening, when I came home in the dark, I was greeted by snow.

Old School.

Source: FOBO (Fromoldbooks.org)

Grammar mnemonics and rules I found written down in a notebook from 7th grade that I had completely forgotten:

I before E except after C and when it sounds like “a” as in “neighbor” and “weigh”.

And also when it sounds like “i” as in “heist” and “Fahrenheit”.

And also for some reason when it sounds like “e” as in “protein”, which is weird.

 

Never end a sentence with a preposition unless the sentence ends with “a preposition.

 

Confusing “who” and “whom” is really the worst

So never ever ask “Whom’s on first?”

 

Be more or less specific and decisive if that’s okay with you.

 

“I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”—Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

“Gray” is spelled with an “a”

Except in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and also the UK.

 

“Color” and “flavor” are spelled without “u”

Except outside the United States, pretty much anywhere you’d want to go to.

 

A noun is a person, place, thing, or idea, but it seems like ideas should get a category of their own.

 

“Sesquipidalian” should be replaced with something that sounds less like a deep sea animal.

 

Splitting infinitives is to usually be avoided.

 

A “dessert” has twice as much sugar as a “desert” if your dessert is sugar-free because deserts don’t have any sugar at all.

 

A “principle” is a rule or belief, a “principal” is a school leader who pretends to be your pal to maintain the status quo, and Victoria Principal wasn’t the one who shot J.R., was she?

 

Most sentences are subject-verb-object and “subject”, “verb”, and “object” are three nouns that really need a category of their own.

 

The “b” in “subtle” is pretty much what it says it is.

 

Now you know how to tow two toes.

 

Double negatives should never not be used.

 

Similes are like metaphors but different.

 

The only rule that has no exceptions is the rule that there’s an exception to every rule.

 

No one remembers who Mnemosyne is.

Source: Imgur

A Spring In Their Step.

Famous Literary Rabbits

Bugs Bunny-The greatest of all Leporidae Bugs was originally based on Groucho Marx—hence the carrot which replaced the cigar, but his trademark phrase, “What’s up, doc?” and all his wit are purely original. Bugs isn’t just the pinnacle of rabbits; he just might be the best cartoon character ever.

Source: Tenor

Rabbit-For all of A.A. Milne’s imagination in adapting his son’s stuffed animals into the characters of The Hundred Acre Wood you’d think he could have come up with a more original name than “Rabbit” for Winnie The Pooh’s Neighbor. A bit crotchety and eccentric he should have been “Reginald” or even “Herbert”.

Peter Rabbit-Few writers understood rabbits as well as Beatrix Potter. Peter isn’t nearly as wayward as his cousin Benjamin Bunny and, let’s face it, while his siblings get blackberries and milk for supper Peter gets to spend all day stuffing his face in Mr. McGregor’s garden, which has to be a lot better, and was also a convenient way to get rid of the jacket he never really wanted in the first place.

Thumper-A lot of children were traumatized by Disney’s film Bambi but somehow I avoided it by finding Thumper a lot more interesting as a character, and also he was the one whose mother didn’t get killed.

The Velveteen Rabbit-While not really a rabbit until the end of the story but Margery Williams’s hero still deserves special recognition for goodness and endurance.

The March Hare-No one really knows what a “hare” is, and by “no one” I mean the average person like me who hears the term and thinks, What is the difference between hares and rabbits? I should look that up only to completely forget about it ten seconds later. Anyway, hares are larger, have forty-eight chromosomes compared to forty-four for rabbits, and have never been domesticated. And now the number of people who know the difference between hares and rabbits is slightly smaller so Lewis Carrol’s character belongs on this list. Also, unlike the White Rabbit, who serves the King and Queen of Hearts, the March Hare is his own boss.

Judy Hopps-While Zootopia is a film and not adapted from any literary work Officer Hopps is  a solid character. Honest, hardworking, ambitious—she stands out for being pretty much the opposite of most rabbits, real and fictional.

Source: Tenor

Harvey-Another example who’s not really a rabbit Harvey’s still special for being Jimmy Stewart’s pal.

General Woundwort-Richard Adams’s Watership Down, the epic tale of rabbits escaping the destruction of their homes was adapted into an infamous 1978 animated film that’s been shown on TV a few times. Well-meaning adults have turned it on thinking, “Oh, it’s a cute cartoon about bunnies” and left their children alone to be traumatized by, among other things, the rabbit Woundwort fighting a pack of ravenous dogs in a scene so violent and bloody it’s a wonder the animators didn’t run out of red paint.

The Easter Bunny-While always second banana to Santa Claus the Easter Bunny—originally the Easter Hare among German Lutherans—once also had his own version of the “naughty and nice” list and still brings baskets of candy and eggs to children. Sometimes the eggs are hidden and children have to go on a hunt for them which is a problem if no one finds that one under the couch until July.

John Updike-Honorable mention.

Take Me To Your Mascot.

School has been back in session for a few weeks now which means it’s time for a pop quiz! Match the following advertising mascots with little known trivia about their personal lives.

  1. Mr. Clean
  2. The Jolly Green Giant
  3. The Energizer Bunny
  4. Snap, Crackle, and Pop
  5. Chester Cheetah
  6. Captain Morgan
  7. The Pillsbury Doughboy
  8. The Michelin Man
  9. Mr. Peanut
  10. Ronald McDonald

 

A. Also owns a modest chain of car wash places with locations in Van Nuys, Pasadena, and Yorbalinda.

B. Worked with Ted Healy in vaudeville before moving to food marketing.

C. Lives in Nebraska, only travels by hovercraft.

D. Showed up at an audition for mascots after misreading the ad as a sale for “ascots”.

E. Has 20/20 vision but can only read Braille.

F. Did an episode of Undercover Boss wearing a vintage toupee and fake beard previously owned by Eisenhower.

G. An accomplished bass player, often touring with Herman’s Hermits

H. Also has a line of athleisure wear.

I. Went to college to study nuclear physics, was expelled after a bizarre incident involving a Geiger counter, a box of Brillo pads, and an electric eel.

J. Can’t eat gluten.

Scoring

1-2: You have no idea who most of these characters are. Congratulations–this is a winning score.

3-4: You were raised on a commune in upstate New York but have been acclimating to “normal” life. Good luck on your CPA exam.

5-6: One of your parents made you watch “Days Of Our Lives” with them each afternoon during the summer.

7-8: Both of your parents made you watch “Days Of Our Lives” with them each afternoon during the summer.

9-10: You are an advertising mascot.

 

Answer key:

1-F

2-D

3-G

4-B

5-E

6-C

7-J

8-A

9-H

10-I